Power of sharing vulnerability with strangers
About 150 young adults aged between 18 and 25 gathered at Parliament over the weekend for the Aspiring Leaders’ Forum. Alex Chapman shares what the experience meant to him
When I was 20, I was presented with what I now consider to be one of the greatest and most moving, inspiring and shaping experiences of my life.
I went to the Aspiring Leaders’ Forum (ALF) on faith and values in Wellington in 2014 expecting it to be just another leadership conference.
You know the ones. What leadership style are you? What skills are your strongest? What makes you a good leader? It is, after all, in the capital and you spend time with politicians.
ALF is so different, though. It is raw. It is challenging. It is rewarding. It rips off the manky old emotional sticking plasters that have been hanging off you, and puts you on a path towards healing.
There aren’t many leadership opportunities where you’re sharing a blanket, showing a vulnerability, to people whom you haven’t known even for 24 hours.
Four years on from my first experience, my personal struggles continue. But I feel at a stage where I can help others still struggling on that path.
To go back to ALF at the weekend to be a facilitator of a team of nine, along with two others, was incredibly rewarding. These are complex yet beautiful people with a variety of ko¯ rero.
It isn’t my place to share others’ stories, that’s their ko¯ rero, their choice. But a few points remain almost burned into my mind. Points which we as a wha¯ nau of about 150 were fortunate to have shared.
Politicians conceding they struggle with often being away from family.
It isn’t my place to share others’ stories, that’s their ko¯ rero, their choice. But a few points remain almost burned into my mind.
Former mayors acknowledging they were at times disgracefully racist towards Ma¯ ori. Yet now they are taking steps to redress that.
Comedians having such a negative inner voice that they had to use drugs and alcohol to keep the lid on their bursting pot of emotions. Yet they now use that experience to help others’ lids not burst.
Those in the media feeling comfortable and safe enough with those they were with and what they were talking about that they could cry.
It leaves the question though, of what is leadership? What can one learn from such an event?
And to be fair, I don’t have one straight answer. That’s what’s so special.
It’s young adults revealing issues with parents and loved ones, despite a perceived kauri-like strength of an exterior.
It’s being able to discuss the loss of loved ones through mental health issues and how it’s still a struggle to accept it.
It’s those who question why they’re even considered a leader, to then start to see why so many see potential in them, despite lack of confidence. It takes more than a kauri-like strength to reveal that.
It’s seeing those taking small steps and realising how massive they really are.
Here’s the thing, though. There is no one answer.
It is love, courage, vulnerability, wisdom. It is having the faith in your values and those around you that you may not have every answer, but have the humility and perseverance to want to better yourself and others.
is a journalist with Radio Sport