Overnight pickled turmeric carrots

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Photography by Lottie Hedley

4cm piece fresh turmeric 4cm piece fresh ginger 300g baby carrots

½ cup brown rice vinegar ½ cup apple cider vinegar 1 cup water

3 star anise

½ tsp salt

Peel turmeric and ginger. Slice finely using a mandolin or vegetable peeler. Remove tops from carrots. Wash the carrots and halve them lengthways. Place turmeric, ginger and carrots in a large glass jar or jars.

Place remaining ingredients in a small saucepan. Bring to the boil for a few minutes. Take off heat, cool slightly. Pour on to carrots, making sure they are fully submerged. Allow jars to cool. Cover with the lids or place a square of muslin over the top of the jar and secure with a rubber band. Leave overnight to pickle on the bench. The carrots will be ready to eat in the morning. If you used muslin covers, remove these and seal the jars with the lids. Store in the fridge for several months.

Are you waiting for an apology that just hasn’t come? If so you are not alone. It’s a state that many of my clients find themselves in, and it keeps them stuck. Waiting for someone else (or an organisation) to own and apologise what we perceive as a major transgression, and their continued unwillingness to do so, ties us to the past hurt and stop us moving forwards.

There is also “contrition for show” where there is an apology of sorts, but it’s more for public perception. We can feel the difference between being publicly sorry about being caught, rather than privately remorseful for what actually happened. When an apology is disingenuous it doesn’t give the relief or peace we seek, and so it doesn’t count. Contrition for show feels very different to a genuine apology, and can actually add insult to injury.

Why don’t you get your apology? Well, genuine contrition means the risk of genuine shame. Shame is one of the most uncomfortable emotions there is. Not everyone has the emotional chops to let themselves feel it. It’s far less about avoiding contrition to you, and far more about avoiding the self-knowledge and its implications to them. They don’t want to live with the shame; so you live with the lack of contrition. So does holding out for genuine contrition actually help? It might feel right and fair and just and what “should” happen but the fact is you are not getting it, and your need for it only damages you further and keeps you bound to the original injury.

Know that if someone has done the dirty on you, even if they don’t own their behaviour, you can still own your future. The fastest way to move past the hurt is to assert that not one element of your life depends on them apologising to you. That you want your future more than you want their contrition.

Someone else’s contrition can be of far less value than you think. Take back your power by dropping your need for it.

Life coach Louise Thompson helps people unlock their happiest and healthiest life. Find more at louisethompson.com