Auckland’s stadium-sized headache over sports venues

Just what we need — another doom and gloom Eden Park report.

Many of us could have told the people running this city that the alleged national stadium was stuffed, without wading through more depressing figures.

When it comes to the dire stadium situation, this city needs leaders, not reports, to extract us from an expensive joke.

The stadium project has become such an odd and futile business, sporadic bursts of enthusiasm and information followed by long bouts of nothingness.

Just for the hell of it, here's a not too serious spot check of Auckland's weird and whacky stadiums — past and present.

The Hauraki Gulf

Eat your heart out New Zealand — this is the sparkling jewel in Auckland's magnificent crown. Low maintenance thanks to the endless supply of wind and water. Some of the grandstand seating is a bit pricey, but life ain't perfect. A triumph in stadium design — once the America's Cup racing is over it can easily be returned to original use.

Mt Smart Stadium

The default venue with a lot of faults. Is it an athletics venue? Is it a footy ground? Is it a concert venue? Warriors’ tragics may disagree, but misshapen and outdated. A small ground which affords many spectators a distant view, which is quite some feat.

Eden Park

We're in white elephant territory here, and a financial hell hole. Citizens-turned-wardens wearing high-viz vests often out number the low-viz spectators. At least it makes getting home a breeze.

ASB Tennis Arena

Serena Williams gave it the grand slam two years ago. Our respectable little tennis venue specialises in having retractable plans for a retractable roof.

Ellerslie Racecourse

Racing is in the doldrums compared to the glory days but Ellerslie still stands as tall as it can. In the middle of a Shakespeare season right now thanks to the pop-up Globe.

Waikaraka Park

Exhausted. A sort of 1950s stock car nightmare. But maybe that's its charm. Is there any greater sight in sport than a good demolition derby?

Western Springs

Multipurpose, historic speedway venue which failed to draw enough people to sustain a round of the world speedway championship. But it is still a unique place with great meetings and fond memories. It's hard to work out if speedway is staying there under Auckland's magnificent, well thought out, stadium merry-go-round plan. For trivial pursuit buffs — perhaps the only venue in the world to have hosted Peter Frampton (kids ask your grandparents) and Sleepy Tripp (kids ask your grandparents).

Alexandra Park

The harness racing venue which made commentator Reg Clapp famous. Or was it the other way around? Many a great night has been had there, many a great horse such as Cardigan Bay made there. But go on, name a famous pacer these days.

Newmarket Park (deceased)

A wonderful if antiquated venue for the old national football league, internationals and star-studded invitational teams from overseas. Rumour has it that schoolboys hid behind one stand to snaffle the footballs which came whizzing over, hoofed there by traditional Kiwi central defenders. The country's premier football ground apparently fell down a bank and nobody ever bothered to replace it.

Carlaw Park (deceased)

The main grandstand felt like it was one match short of a giant barbecue. The swamp (playing area) was drained but it still featured one corner with a slope. The facilities were prehistoric, the toilets pre that. Kind of fell down before it could be pulled down. The students who now live there would have been horrified, even frightened.

Avondale Racecourse (on life support, last rites due)

Closed at one point under mounting (excuse the pun) debt and dwindling crowd numbers, and due to be closed again in the next few years. How many times can you close a racecourse? Set a probable record 15 years ago when 71 scratchings left 68 horses to race in a meeting.

Albany's QBE Stadium

Will it ever be finished? Designed to get the sun in your eyes. Partly survives for now on Eden Park's rugby off cuts. So if Eden Park goes broke . . .