Finance whiz: ‘All I wanted was to sleep’
This week, six New Zealanders and their support people share their mental-health journey and challenges in the podcast series Just Listen. The series has been made with support from the Mental Health Foundation, and Like Minds, Like Mine. Listen to the podcasts at nzherald.co.nz and read their stories each day in the Herald
Philip McDonald couldn’t understand how he could manage a highpressure career in the finance industry, but fall apart at home. He struggled to comprehend why he wanted to hide under the covers at home with the curtains drawn, and panicked at the idea of going out with friends.
“I struggled to rationalise it,” McDonald explains. “I think work became habitual and a soothing routine to some extent.
“But it did start to confuse me. I didn’t understand what was going on and I didn’t understand why all I wanted to do on a Saturday morning was pull the covers over my head and sleep.”
It took time for McDonald and partner Kate O’Leary to understand he was experiencing ongoing mental distress through depression. He described himself as a high-functioning depressive, which meant it was harder to acknowledge his struggles, and for others to take it seriously when he did seek help.
McDonald eventually left his finance job to start his own business, giving him more flexibility to maintain his mental and physical health, while being available for his two school-aged daughters.
His mission now is to help other men not only speak up about their mental-health struggles, but to encourage them to look out for their mates and learn to listen, not fix.
“There’s not enough awareness yet, certainly in my generation of the 40s and older, of what depression is, how it impacts people, how debilitating it can be . . .”
McDonald says a typical response from a male friend might be to go to the pub for a few beers. “It’s like saying to someone with a broken leg, ‘ oh just go for a run’.”
O’Leary admits she didn’t understand what to do initially initially and probably said unhelpful things. It wasn’t until they went to couples’ counselling that they understood McDonald had depression.
It was difficult to understand when she had no experience of mental distress. However, she had learned to be empathetic: “You just learn to adjust your behaviour, and be there for them, not push them . . . be empathetic.”
O’Leary hopes the more people talk about their mental-health challenges, the easier it will be for all people — including those in supporting roles — to open up.
“It can be a lonely job, and it can be a sad time when you see someone you love, struggle so deeply. You have to keep some joy in your life. For your own sake, and theirs.”