‘I don’t want to see people any more after alert level 4’

I thought level 4 — where the only person I talked to “in person” was the supermarket checkout operator — would be hard, and it was. At first. Now I can see other people through the bubble extension idea but I have no desire to do so. Should I force myself to see people again? Or wait until I want to?

These changes have been unpredictable, and hard for most. But the human capacity to adapt is amazing. The problem now is how to turn the adaptation off, because you need to. Switching off the feelings around socialising — feeling drawn to people, wanting company — makes sense when you can’t follow the feelings.

However, when unhelpful feelings get stuck, which is not uncommon with adaptations and defences against difficult feelings, we need to use conscious effort and behaviour to get moving again.

Force yourself to see people but do it gently, and start with people and situations you previously enjoyed. It might take some time for the feelings to change, but they will.

I had to leave my university hall and move back in with my family when the lockdown began. I didn’t really get a chance to say goodbye to my friends. I miss them, and my old life and feel so angry and depressed.

Pretty much every model of overcoming grief acknowledges anger as part of the process. It is okay to feel angry, and sad.

There are two important things with grief: first is to allow space and time for the feelings to come and go, accept them, don’t fight them; and second, don’t get stuck in the feelings. Control what you can — like meeting up with your classmates online, and keeping up study — and let the rest go. And if you find it hard to shift the anger or sadness, get active and allow yourself to practise gratitude for the good things about the situation at the moment.

How much sunlight does my mental health really need? And is there an impact on only seeing what is familiar?

Sunlight helps our bodies produce vitamin D and triggers the production of serotonin — the brain chemical associated with depression.

The thing about seeing only what is familiar is that most of us crave novelty and new inputs and experiences. But it is possible to see new things even in very familiar environments and neighbourhoods. I’m sure many of you have had the experience of walking around local streets recently and seeing houses or landmarks you’ve never noticed before. We are spending less time in our cars and that leads to noticing our world in a different way, a more mindful way.

Usually when we suffer a loss like a death in the family, being laid off, or business failure there are rituals to help deal with the trauma. What can we do instead?

Those rituals are incredibly important, and I think it’s why there are some revisions for funerals and weddings at level 3.

They allow us to mark the changes, take time to pause, reflect and connect with others navigating the same changes. They also allow us to access support from our wider community.

I’m a bit sick of saying “connect online” too, but it is part of the answer. It’s important to take the time to mark and process the changes, whatever they might be, and to do that with people.

We have all inevitably lost things — or will — as part of this pandemic. Sadly, grief will likely be one of the most marked features of the aftermath of Covid-19.