‘Real-life angel’ helps baby dream
The generosity of a stranger has given young couple a son
Ayoung couple who thought they might never be able to have kids have welcomed the birth of their son thanks to the generosity of a stranger. Seven years ago Steph and Matt Larnder got news no newlyweds want to hear — at just 23, Steph’s endometriosis was so bad her doctors recommended a full hysterectomy.
They put their names down on the adoption list soon after her surgery in 2015.
Then they looked into surrogacy. Four people responded to a Facebook request and one, Janelle Freeman, became their surrogate.
After chatting online Larnder and Freeman met at Sylvia Park. “It’s kind of like a weird Tinder date the first meeting we had,” Larnder said.
Freeman said she had wanted to be surrogate and did did not hesitate to put her hand up.
A single mum with two kids, aged 11 and 15, Freeman felt that, at 36, it was her last chance to have another child.
“It was something I wanted to personally do for myself. I wanted to help people who couldn’t have a baby because I knew what it was like to have my child. You want other people to feel that love in their life.”
The Larnders and Freeman began counselling and sought ethics approval. Last July the stars aligned and staff at Fertility Plus successfully transferred the Larnders’ embryo into Janelle’s uterus.
The couple involved themselves in the pregnancy and went with Freeman to all the scans and appointments.
For her part, Larnder went to a lactation consultant, took hormone drugs and began to produce breast milk shortly before her son was born.
All the mood swings, weight gain and time spent pumping every three hours day and night was worth it, she said. “For me, being a very removed part of the process, that was huge.”
At 40 weeks, in the middle of Covid-19 level 4 lockdown, Freeman was induced.
Steph, Matt and Janelle’s best friend were all planning to be at the birth but Covid rules meant only one other person was allowed. Luckily for Steph, Janelle chose her. Grayson was delivered by caesarean section.
Freeman said handing Grayson over was not hard. “Through the whole nine months, for the whole year, you’re going into it knowing that it’s not yours.”
The couple have legally adopted the boy and have a birth certificate with their names.
“Grayson’s amazing. He’s a very, very happy kid. He’s a perfect baby. We really did hit the jackpot with this kid,” Larnder said.
While lockdown prevented Freeman seeing Grayson for the first three months, the families remain close.
“We’re friends and she’s very special to him and he will always know his special story and hopefully she will always be in our life.
“There was just an understanding that we’re friends and we will catch up as and when we can.”
Despite the trials Larnder said it was “absolutely worth it” and would encourage anyone else in their situation to consider surrogacy.
Figures from the Assisted Reproductive Technology in New Zealand 2016 report, the latest available, showed there were only 59 assisted reproductive technology treatment cycles for surrogacy arrangements which resulted in eight pregnancies and nine live babies in that year.
Larnder said: “No matter how hard it is at the time, I look back now and I would do it 100 times again to have more children. Nothing would stop me because it is worth the end result.”
Freeman wanted women thinking of being a surrogate to go for it.
“It’s a good feeling being able to give someone that love.”
As for more children, Steph wouldn’t think twice if another woman volunteered.
“I would love to give him a sibling, for him. He’s perfect . . . But for him, he deserves a sibling.”
,, You want other people to feel that love in their life.
Janelle Freeman, surrogate mother