Get off the net and live
As part of the Herald’s Great Minds series on mental wellbeing, Matt Heath speaks to Prof Scott Galloway, who laments young men who prefer porn to meeting women
Professor Scott Galloway describes “Zuckerberg as the most dangerous person on Earth”. He believes social media is doing terrible damage to our mental health but admits the solutions aren’t easy.
As he says — “anyone who thinks they can keep kids off social media doesn’t have kids”. Galloway is a selfmade tech multi-millionaire, a professor at Stern, superstar podcaster, best-selling author, Silicon Valley analyst and board member of huge companies. He also talks, writes and cares a lot about happiness. I’m a big fan.
When I Zoom Prof G, I find him sitting by the pool of his Florida mansion. He’s friendly, funny and super smart. I leave the chat feeling elated. Listening back, I was a stuttering fool. Luckily I have the power to edit my star-struck ramblings. Full disclosure, I didn’t ask these questions as clearly as they’re presented here.
Prof G, what is social media doing to us?
Since social media went mobile, we’ve seen skyrocketing levels of hospital admissions for self-harm, especially among young girls who bully each other with these nuclear weapons called mobile phones. Fourteen-year-old girls post pictures of themselves and have their peers and strange men around the world evaluate them. I don’t see how that ends anywhere good.
What can parents do?
You can’t keep kids from social media forever but I do think it is probably time for age gating, we age-gate marijuana, alcohol and the best we can — pornography. Any age-gating of social media must help.
Do the social media companies need to take responsibility? The way their algorithm presents data and elevates content has resulted in a spike in teen depression. So I think they should be legally liable. Subjecting these firms to the same legal liability that we subject others seems a fairly obvious go-to.
What the hell is happening with young men?
We have what I would describe as a generation of failing men because of the easy dopamine hits from trading stocks, crypto, porn and video games. They don’t have the same motivation to get out and meet others. There’s a winner-take-all environment in e-commerce, there’s becoming a winner-take-all in mating.
One in two relationships now start online. Everyone has access to everyone. The top 10 per cent of males are getting 90 per cent of the attention, meaning that the bottom 50 per cent are effectively shut out from the market. So we get involuntary celibates. There’s nothing more dangerous than a broke, alone young man. And we’re producing too many. The most violent societies all have too many of this cohort.
So what’s the answer?
I coach a lot of young men and the first thing I do is say, we’re going to find six hours a week off your phone. No TikTok, porn, Coinbase. We’re going to reinvest that time into working, making money and trying to find actual friends and a mate. I want you to force yourself to do something.
Join a rugby club, join a book club. Whatever it means for you to get out and meet people. Because sometimes that blossoms into a friendship or more, but unless you get out nothing happens. So I think the key is getting these kids off their phones, out of their basements and interacting with one another.
Aren’t men being told that’s creepy?
I think that’s wrong. We’ve conflated masculinity with toxicity. If you can’t tell the difference between someone trying to strike up a conversation, maybe asking them out for coffee and harassing, then you have bigger problems.
Nothing wonderful is going to happen, professionally, personally or romantically unless you subject yourself to an uncomfortable risk. Meeting people is uncomfortable. It’s easy to stay at home and play games, learn crypto and get your physical satisfaction from porn, but over the long-term, it’s a recipe for an unsatisfactory life and depression.
Getting out is great, but don’t you also need a solid home life? Capitalist societies are forgiving places for people with money and harsh rapacious places for people without. Few people develop economic security without working their asses off for 10-20 years.
It cost me my hair, my first marriage and it was worth it because now I can take the afternoon and watch my son play rugby. It’s not because I’m a great dad. It’s because I was very focused on my career and that was my way. That’s not to say that’s the right way. But I tell young people, turn off the Hallmark version of work and life, where we can maintain our career, relationships, donate time, make a tonne of money and coach little league. Be clear there is no such thing as balance. There are just trade-offs.
With that, the Prof was gone. What’s his happiness message? Social media makes people feel bad about themselves, young girls especially. Boys are taking the easy online options, cutting themselves off and becoming sad and angry. We need to spend less time on devices and take the risks that lead to real connections.
Of course, it’s one thing to know the answer, another thing to convince a teenager. But I reckon we need to try. With real connections in mind, I ask Prof G if he wanted to get a drink next time he is in New Zealand. He said “sure”. I’ll take that as confirmed and assume we’ll become best mates.