White elephants and hell holes: Auckland’s venue vacuum
Just what we need — another doom and gloom Eden Park report.
Many of us could have told the people running Auckland the alleged national stadium was stuffed, without wading through more depressing figures.
When it comes to the dire stadium situation, what’s needed are leaders, not reports.
The stadium project has become such an odd and futile business, sporadic bursts of enthusiasm and information followed by long bouts of nothingness.
Here's a not-too-serious spot check of Auckland's weird and whacky stadiums — past and present.
The Hauraki Gulf
Eat your heart out, New Zealand — this is the sparkling jewel in Auckland's magnificent crown. Low maintenance thanks to the endless supply of wind and water. Some of the grandstand seating is a bit pricey, but life ain't perfect. A triumph in stadium design — once the America's Cup racing is over it can easily be returned to original use.
Mt Smart Stadium
The default venue with a lot of faults. Is it an athletics venue? Is it a footy ground? Is it a concert venue? Warriors’ tragics may disagree, but misshapen and outdated.
A small ground which affords many spectators a distant view, which is quite some feat.
Eden Park
We're in white elephant territory here, and a financial hell hole. Citizens-turned-wardens wearing high-viz vests often out number the low-viz spectators. At least it makes getting home a breeze.
ASB Tennis Arena
Serena Williams gave it the grand slam two years ago. Our respectable little tennis venue specialises in having retractable plans for a retractable roof. Ellerslie Racecourse
Racing is in the doldrums compared to the glory days but Ellerslie still stands as tall as it can. In the middle of a Shakespeare season right now thanks to the popup Globe.
Waikaraka Park
Exhausted. A sort of 1950s stockcar nightmare. But maybe that’s its charm. Is there any greater sight in sport than a good demolition derby?
Western Springs
Multipurpose, historic speedway venue which failed to draw enough people to sustain a round of the world speedway championship. But it is still a unique place with great meetings and fond memories. It's hard to work out if speedway is staying there under Auckland's magnificent stadium merry-goround plan. For trivial pursuit buffs — perhaps the only venue in the world to have hosted Peter Frampton (kids, ask your grandparents) and Sleepy Tripp (kids, ask your grandparents). Alexandra Park
The harness racing venue which made commentator Reg Clapp famous. Or was it the other way around? Many a great night has been had there, many a great horse such as Cardigan Bay made there. But go on, name a famous pacer these days.
Newmarket Park (deceased)
A wonderful, if antiquated, venue for the old national football league, internationals and star-studded invitational teams from overseas. Rumour has it that schoolboys hid behind one stand to snaffle the footballs which came whizzing over, hoofed there by traditional Kiwi central defenders. The country's premier football ground apparently fell over a bank and nobody ever bothered to replace it. Carlaw Park (deceased)
The main grandstand felt like it was one match short of a giant barbecue. The swamp (playing area) was drained but it still featured one corner with a slope. The facilities were prehistoric, the toilets pre that. Fell down before it could be pulled down. The students who now live there would have been horrified, even frightened. Avondale Racecourse (on life support, last rites due)
Closed at one point under mounting (excuse the pun) debt and dwindling crowd numbers, and due to be closed again in the next few years. How many times can you close a racecourse? Set a probable record 15 years ago when 71 scratchings left 68 horses to race in a meeting.
Albany's QBE Stadium
Will it ever be finished? Designed to get the sun in your eyes. Partly survives for now on Eden Park's rugby off cuts. So if Eden Park goes broke . . .