OPINION: Dads never stop teaching their daughters, says Zizi Sparks
WHEN I WAS 13, my parents divorced. It was nothing unusual. That year 9651 couples divorced, according to figure.nz. Thousands of children would have been affected, and I was just one of them.
Unusually, or at least to me, I and my siblings lived with my father fulltime.
Most portrayals of divorces in films I had seen up until that point had showed children going to live with their mothers post-divorce or moving between parents on a weekly basis.
I was later told we stayed with him in our childhood home to ensure continuity in our lives, to keep things ticking along as normally as possible. Both are important for a growing child and teenager and it’s something I now value in hindsight.
As a result I have a good, strong relationship with my father.
Ahead of Father’s Day, Carly Gibbs spoke to Bay of Plenty dads and daughters about what they had learned from each other about life.
For me, my Dad taught me so much. One of the things that has stuck with me the most is the lesson to speak up when it counts. If you have a problem, tell someone. There is no point simmering it over yourself until it is too late to do something about it.
As a result, if I have something to say, I will say it. If I’m upset, I’ll tell you. If the roles were reversed, I would rather know there was an issue than find out when it is impossible to fix.
He taught me “you can have anything you want, but you can’t have it all”.
I feel as if the next generation is only being taught the first half of that sentiment and some children feel entitled to everything. The constant repetition of that phrase taught me realism and that you will miss out on things but that is okay. He taught me independence. In a singleparent household, us children were responsible for a lot of things such as weekly dinners, helping with supermarket shopping and cleaning. As an adult I have a huge amount of initiative. If something needs doing I’ll do it rather than wait be told. He taught me to love movies. When I was younger we would go to the DVD store and get stacks out at a time to watch over the next few weeks. He taught me long division and geography with quizzes at the dinner table, how to pull weeds from the root, and the futility of sweeping leaves on a windy day.
He taught me to value music and to learn an instrument, to read stories from all parts of the world because you will be better for doing both those things.
When I flew the coop, the teaching didn’t stop. He was my point of call for advice on the home-buying process, giving advice about whether interest rates were good or not.
Now as we plan a wedding, he’s taught me to make our own traditions and customs, to do what feels right to me.
The more I think about growing up, the more I realise how much of me I have learned from him.
I hope the lessons he teaches me never stop. But, if they do, they are lessons I plan to teach any future children I may have.
One of the things that has stuck with me the most is the lesson to speak up when it counts.