Lucy Bannerman

Discovers why it is important for brides to speak on their magical day.

MANY of them have helped to pay for it. Plenty more have organised every last detail of it. So it’s no surprise that more modern brides are defying tradition to speak at their own wedding.

The bride’s speech has come of age, as a growing number of women refuse to sit silently at the biggest party they’ve ever planned and let the men do all the talking. The idea of speeches being the sole preserve of bridegroom, best man and father of the bride appears to be falling out of fashion.

Many women say they would no sooner stay silent at the top table than they would expect their fathers to pay a dowry, or let the colour of their dress denote how many men they haven’t slept with.

Mothers and other female friends and relatives are also being elevated to more prominent roles, as couples seek to ensure the gender roles on their big day more closely reflect the equality within their relationship.

The latest statistics show that the average age of first-time brides in Britain is 33.8.

The growing trend for women doing wedding speeches is being put down partly to the fact that brides in their thirties tend to be more confident – in the manner of Andie MacDowell’s character in Four Weddings and a Funeral – than blushing twentysomethings, and therefore less daunted by the prospect of public speaking.

Guy Wade, a toastmaster and Master of Ceremonies who works in London and the Home Counties, estimates that brides have given a speech at half the weddings he has co-ordinated over the past two years. ‘‘I’m certainly noticing it more and more,’’ he says.

Unlike the conventions demanding that the best man be funny, the father of the bride be adoring and the groom be thankful, brides have free rein to say whatever they want, Mr Wade says.

Karen Cinnamon, who runs a blog called Smashing The Glass Wedding, says there was never any question of not speaking at her own nuptials in London, which she made sure kept all the Jewish traditions she loved, and lost the sexist ones she didn’t.

‘‘It was a no-brainer. Even though I’m not into public speaking, it was very important to me.

‘‘I didn’t just want to be a face, sitting there quietly, looking pretty. I wanted to be a personality, as much as the groom. I wanted to be part of it.’’

So after the toast to Israel and the toast to the Queen, she stood up and made her own speech.

Sian Gray, from Farnham, Surrey, was also desperate to speak at her wedding.

‘‘The day meant so much to me, was organised by me and was attended by all my loved ones, so it did not seem right to miss the moment to thank everyone.’’

Harpreet Baura, 31, says it is rare for Asian brides to give speeches (‘‘we’re meant to be demure – yeah, right’’) but her surprise speech had been very well received at her large Anglo-Indian wedding in London.

‘‘When you have put heart and soul into the planning, you do want to say something to your loved ones, rather than just stand back and say nothing.’’

Kate Grassick, who runs a video company in Kent, says women did formal speeches at four of the 11 weddings she had