FRANKLY SPEAKING . . .
is Paul Henry’s second collection of rants and opinions, covering everything from disability parking to the obesity debate. On TVNZ’s ‘‘The whole thing is so ill-conceived and badly executed for that timeslot. I could dissect it, but to do so would be akin to shooting fish in a barrel.’’ On SkyCity Convention Centre critics: ‘‘Sadly, these moral crusaders, most of whom are sucking on the public tit, ‘queer the pitch’ by misrepresenting the negatives and overlooking the positives.’’ On National Radio: ‘‘Some of the talk on National Radio is nothing short of unbridled wankery.’’ On fellow fliers: ‘‘Why are people on planes so f....n stupid? ‘We have three selections: jet planes (lollies), a cookie or chips.’ How f....n hard is it to remember that? On a plane, very.’’ On gay men: ‘‘Homosexuals have to understand this: you are not special just because you are gay. The world does not need to stand aside and recognise you for your ability to have sex with your own kind. It’s not a skill. A party trick, perhaps, but not a skill.’’ On lesbians: ‘‘Lesbianism proper was not invented until the early 1980s. It was seen as an entertaining distraction for weary men, and so was promoted as a way to launch the internet by Al Gore.’’ On Maori activists: ‘‘Essentially, these ungrateful fools are sabotaging our nation.’’ On disability car parks: ‘‘There are just too many of these ‘special parking spaces’. However, the parking spaces that really outrage me are the old people and mothers with prams/toddlers parks.’’ On obesity: ‘‘If you are watching yourself and your children grow fat and unhealthy and are filling your shopping cart with Coke and similar products, if you are sending your children to school with a Coke a day and feeding it to your infants, then you are guilty of child abuse. You are a complete f...wit and should be loudly condemned by society.’’ Notes to John Key: ‘‘Stop making me and lots of Maoris fat. We need more money so we can buy fruits.’’ On parenting: ‘‘The best child you can produce is one who is loved and loving. Secure and passionate about life and living. Wide of vision and bursting with enthusiasm and personality. Who gives a f... about academic qualifications?’’ On ‘tertiary time-wasters’: ‘‘We also need to do a great service to the lazy and stupid, and stop them from racking up a bill at our expense that they will spend decades trying to avoid repaying. If you are lazy and stupid: grow up. Get a job. Or bugger off.’’ Outraged, published by Random House, is on sale now.