Less easy, but a sweeter option

IF YOU were into television comedy shows in the 90s you will remember Seinfeld. Each episode would start with Jerry Seinfeld doing a stand-up comedy routine – his observational style would take everyday situations and make them hilarious.

It made you think about these situations in different ways. One I remember well was when Seinfeld talked about kids and lollies. ‘‘Kids, what’s with kids and lollies? Lollies are preparing kids for alcohol when they become adults.’’ He then went off on a tangent around this idea.

His routine was funny because of the truth to what he was talking about: One thing a lot of kids desire the most is lollies or sweet treats.

I know I’m not alone using this to my advantage when I look after kids who are hard work. Strategic bribery has been used when desperation sets in: ‘‘If you stop acting like that I’ll give you some chocolate.’’

Suddenly the child-monster turns into an angel who will do anything to get on my good side and get the sweet reward. This is bad parenting 101 as it teaches our kids that bad behaviour leads to good reward. But sometimes when desperate we will try anything.

While lollies are probably the most popular and most powerful reward for most kids, another thing they desire a lot of is attention.

Kids want and need a lot of attention from the adults in their lives and this can make life challenging for parents or caregivers, especially when tired.

You can hear the chorus of children across the city right now. ‘‘I’m bored’’; ‘‘This house is boring’’; ‘‘What are we doing today?’’

The weeks over the holidays can present challenges for parents and guardians – there is not just the juggling of work and childcare but also the cost of activities, not to mention the challenge of trying to keep them occupied.

With these increased demands, we may become good at finding ways to reject our kids’ calls for attention.

Instead of putting good energy into our kids, we pass them our iPhone, or let them watch too many movies or sit in their bedrooms on Play Station for far too long. It’s the easier choice.

But there needs to be a balance. No parent can give 100 per cent of themselves to a child’s needs all the time. But be aware when you are looking for the easy way out too often.

Of course, kids will spend time playing PlayStation, but if they have been in their bedroom for that long you need to ask yourself why you are allowing this. It may be easier for you, but what is the impact on your child?

The first step is to become aware of when you reject your kids’ calls for attention.

You should decide instead to move towards them with good energy. It may not always be the easiest option but it’s important in developing a stronger relationship.

Shared time with kids helps them intuitively learn important life lessons, have fun with you, and makes them feel valued.

When you do this you are often promoting good behaviours, like doing exercise, going for a bike ride or playing basketball.

Being a parent is one of the toughest jobs. For this very reason we look at ways to make the job easier, but often it comes at a cost to our kids.

Make a commitment to working out when you are rejecting them and then put good energy into them at this time. You’ll probably get a lot back from this commitment, but you’ll also know you are doing a good job of being a parent.

Bevan James Eyles is a fitness professional who runs the training group, extramilerunners.co.nz