Loved ones dealing with depression

This is one of a series of letters from the public to someone special in their life.

DEAR ‘‘dog walkers’’, At times I see you struggling with a rottweiler, and at other times you are playfully rolling around with a cute nipping puppy, but I know that you always have that black dog with you every day.

It licks at your heels or slobbers over your shoulder, shadowing you, watching intently for signs of weakness which trigger instinctive responses – to pounce and overpower you. That dog is tough to tame, and it has a mind of its own.

I know that in your worst moments of depression you cling fiercely to the dog leash, and will not let others help you train that beast, because you really want to show us all that you have it under control.

All of those who love and care for you, at some time, have begged you to let them get close enough to take control of it, support you, or offer encouragement. Mostly we just want to love you, as you struggle with your animal.

I know your dog may be safely locked away at times, and it can be managed with disciplined training, or tired out with exercise, so that it might quietly sleep in the corner.

We hope that the dog will soon grow weary or sick, get lost, or run away to a new home.

But I have learned that ‘‘hope’’ is not a strategy. I know we all need to take responsible and collective action.

I have seen the positive results from working together as we support you to find ways to get through the days and weeks. I understand now that it takes so many of us being constantly vigilant, standing alongside you and behind you.

I always fancied myself as a dog whisperer and sometimes I think I have the power to take the fierceness out of the wild creature which holds you back, or keeps you down. But I am learning to let you take the dog out for a walk by yourself.

Because of course, ultimately, this is your life, and your struggle, and you only learn by training him yourself, socialising him, and teaching him new tricks. You have learnt so much already about how to be independent, and manage or mask your depression.

But there are a great many people who live in fear of dogs, and you will meet them every day. These people will never comprehend the pervading fear and darkness you walk in.

Finally, I want to say how proud of you I am, for having the courage to live with your black dog of depression. I love and admire you immensely.

I wish that in future every path you walk on, and every park you play in has some sunshine, fresh water and plenty of room to let the dog run free off the leash. Your loving B Do you have a letter you have always wanted to write to someone but never did? If you would like to finally write that letter and have it published in The Dominion Post’s Summer pages, please email it to bess.manson@fairfaxmedia.co.nz. or send it to A Letter To . . . Bess Manson, Features dept, The Dominion Post, P O Box 3740, Wellington 6140. Names may be withheld at the writer’s request.