Getting it right for the sake of the kids
Keri Morris found out the hard way how tough a family split was on kids. So she decided to improve the process.
KERI MORRIS has drawn on her own experiences to help deliver an out of court family mediation service.
The Lower-Hutt born mother of three is Family Dispute Resolution scheme director and a Wellingtonbased senior resolution practitioner at FairWay Resolution, which provides a nationwide dispute resolution service.
It’s a role she relishes, having been through family court over coparenting arrangements herself when her relationship ended a number of years ago.
‘‘We went through a challenging court process and I saw the effects it had on my kids. They’re good now but at the time I thought ‘there’s got to be a better way’.’’
Her experience sparked a passion to ensure there was indeed a better way to resolve conflict that avoids the emotional and financial stress of going through the court process.
Morris underwent training and almost nine years later she’s head of the Family Dispute Resolution scheme she helped to set up.
As a senior practitioner she helps to support other mediators and resolution co-ordinators within FairWay, and she also runs her own mediations.
‘‘I love mediating, there’s nothing quite like seeing the absolute surprise and delight of parents when they see this actually works.
‘‘When you talk to the parents beforehand, they’re adamant there is no way they will ever reach an agreement
‘‘We bring them on a journey, help to create a safe and confidential place to talk about really tricky and painful things, to let their grief go and find a way forward, to really focus on their kids and find a way to co-parent together.
‘‘Mediation creates an opportunity to put some things right. There are often apologies and recognition for things that have gone wrong or not gone right, an opportunity to say some things that weren’t able to be said.’’
FairWay itself has had thousands of parents through its doors since its Family Dispute Resolution service began in 2014. Of those that have gone through to mediation, more than 80 per cent have reached agreement on all or some matters.
Morris puts the success rate down to the way FairWay’s mediations are conducted.
‘‘Issues-led mediations are when families go in and a list is written on the board. But we don’t mediate by list – we focus on the kids, the parents’ dreams for their children, what they want them to achieve in their lives and the values they want to instil in their children.
‘‘Some parents haven’t talked to each other for two or three years, so coming together and talking about why they had kids or their dreams for their kids is really important and it puts the focus back on the children, not on the grief and loss between the two of them.
‘‘It’s not only good for parents, but it’s such good role modelling for kids, to see their parents resolving issues and not to see them go to court to fight over them.’’
Morris speaks of one case where the parents were at total odds about where the children would live. One parent wanted to move permanently to Australia with the children, the other wanted to stay in New Zealand and their previously good communication had broken down as a result of this conflict. They had filed court documents and both parents were extremely hurt and upset about allegations made in affidavits, each of them thinking the other was being unreasonable and irrational.
In mediation, Morris says they were able to discuss the values behind their reasons for wanting to relocate. With a great need to stand on her own two feet, the mother expressed her desire to be selfsupporting and to fully provide for the children in Australia while the father expressed his deep belief in strengthening connections with family in New Zealand.
‘‘They were both expressing their underlying values of autonomy and connection with family, which were their deep personal truths, and it was incredibly eye-opening for these parents.
‘‘Both recognised that the other parent was speaking their own fundamental truth, and that neither was just being difficult nor making a spur of the moment decision,’’ says Morris. ‘‘The tone of the mediation changed immediately, they talked about how important the children were, and their hopes and dreams for the children.’’
Ultimately, Morris says the parents put their children and their own communication first, and made decisions together about how they would move forward.
Morris is usually involved in a family or workplace mediation herself on a daily basis, or she could be out and about talking to organisations and service providers about Family Dispute Resolution and its benefits.
With offices in Auckland, Wellington, Christchurch and Dunedin, she talks through any issues her resolution co-ordinators may have or providing support to the 89 mediators who work with families nationwide.
‘‘It’s important to stay connected with my team but it’s also important I keep in touch with the issues families are having, I like to be hands-on.’’
Growing up, Morris was keen to become a psychologist, however she began her working life as a PA. She left the workforce for 14 years to raise and home school her children, now aged 23, 20 and 16.
On her return to work, and after her own relationship break-up, she joined the Arbitrators’ and Mediators’ Institute, as a PA which led her to consider pursuing a career in mediation.
‘‘The executive director at the time encouraged me to look at a diploma in dispute resolution. I did my first paper at Massey University and I was hooked.’’
For the next three years, she studied extramurally, while also working and co-parenting in raising her family. She also trained as a parenting through separation facilitator at Skylight, a Wellingtonbased non-profit that provides grief support for young people and their families.
Armed with her diploma and as a proud fellow in mediation of AMINZ, Morris joined FairWay almost four years ago, just five months before the Family Dispute Resolution Act came into force.
At the time she worked as a resolution co-ordinator but was part of the team which established FairWay’s Family Dispute Resolution service for the Ministry of Justice, a free service for those who qualify for government funding.
‘‘Setting up that service, achieving AMINZ Fellow status and becoming the scheme director here a year ago have all been career highlights.
‘‘Best of all, and what brings me the most joy, is seeing the number of families who use our service and with such successful outcomes for their children.
‘‘It’s like ‘wow’, this is really, really rewarding, and it’s such a privilege too – you’re in and out of people’s lives for such a very brief moment but it’s a privilege to share that very personal part of their lives and help them to find a way forward.’’
For more information go to: fairwayresolution.com or phone 0800 774 420.