Four movie roles perfect for Steve Hansen
We all know Steve Hansen is not one to crumble in a crisis.
So with the news that the current All Black coach will make his big-screen bow (well apart from his scenes in Richie McCaw doco Chasing Great) in biccie advert Apocalypse Steve Hansen Don’t Lose Your Biscuit, that got us at Stuff thinking what other cinematic roles ‘‘Shag’’ could provide perfect casting for.
From coaches to villains and unlikely animated heroes, here are four of our favourite possibilities:
Morris Buttermaker (The Bad News Bears)
While there’s a case to be made for Hansen taking on Tom Hanks’ role in A League of Their Own (sample quote: ‘‘There’s no crying in baseball’’), it’s hard to go past the character made famous by both Walter Matthau and Billy Bob Thornton.
Throughout his coaching career, the flinty Mosgiel-born man has shown an ability to work with some troubled souls and naughty boys, transforming them into winning units. A group of unruly kids would seem like a natural next progression.
Jack Byrnes (Meet the Parents)
There are many potential Robert De Niro roles that Hansen could be perfect for. However, it’s hard to go past the cat-loving, retired CIA counter-intelligence officer who gives Ben Stiller’s prospective sonin-law the third degree.
You can just imagine Hansen getting both the squint and deadpan delivery (complete with appropriate menace) spot-on.
Vito (Don) Corleone (The Godfather)
Who hasn’t thought of Hansen delivering lines like ‘‘I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse’’, in his own distinctive Marlonesque mumble?
And while none of the All Blacks’ opposition (or referees) have ended up with a horse’s head in their bed, Hansen has shown he’s not afraid of anyone, or of delivering a withering assessment of someone.
Howard Payne (Speed)
I’m sure the Aussies and South Africans, in particular, would see Dennis Hopper’s maniacal bomber as the perfect part for the Machiavellian Hansen.
And to be fair, the combination of intricate planning and choice one-liners, usually delivered with the opener (‘‘Okay, pop quiz, hotshot’’), does seem right in the All Black boss’ wheelhouse.