A mean-as guide to our regional slang

New Zealand’s accent and national slang can be a real crackup, and it can sound even odder if you listen to it regionally.

When Stuff asked readers to share their hometown slang, they came back with odd terms such as ‘‘quaxing’’, ‘‘scrutinberger’’ and ‘‘pina’’ – which you might not be able to decipher if you’re not from Auckland, Hokianga or Taranaki.

Those few words were the most hard-out examples of regional Kiwi slang, followed by our dozens of nicknames for various cities or townships, offensive and unrepeatable names for students at certain high schools, and nationally-used words that every district wanted to claim.

There was also a deluge of people upset about mangled pronunciation of Ma¯ori placenames, and dozens of others who wanted to refer to their towns by what might be their airport code, such as TGA, KPO, and YTP – (points if you can figure out those last two).

Our odd version of spoken English is already the butt of international jokes, thanks to Kiwis swapping ‘‘i’’s for ‘‘u’’s and ‘‘a’’s for ‘‘e’’s – which Air New Zealand poked fun at in its Christmas ad.

Or when Britain’s MTV had to subtitle an interview by Hunt For The Wilderpeople star Julian Dennison last year.

It’s no wonder Kiwi speak can leave foreigners delirious in translation.

But when common New Zealand words and phrases such as ‘‘hard yards’’ or ‘‘mean’’ evolve into regional-specific slang, a simple ‘‘hot bread shop’’ order can make even a staunch Kiwi crumble.

For example, if a person from Taranaki ordered a ‘‘bridge pie’’ in Wellington, they’d probably get a strange look, rather than one of those mini-pies that the rest of the country calls ‘‘savouries’’.

And if a customer from Central Otago and one from Canterbury approached the counter at the same time, requesting a ‘‘pie, pea and pud’’ and a ‘‘dressed pie’’ – well, what on earth are those?

Apparently, the former is a pie topped with mashed potato and peas, while the latter is the same with an added slice of beetroot.

The evolution of language, and words for pies, is not new.

However, experts have been able to closely examine the development of language in New Zealand because of the country’s relatively young age, said Dr Sharon Marsden, a lecturer at Massey University’s school of humanities.

She explained that language, particularly slang, evolved alongside culture. ‘‘The pie thing is interesting because pies are seen as such an integral part of Kiwi culture.’’