New soap opera for NZ politics?
Ican reveal I have been asked to write some episodes for a new TV series called Parliament Street. You might have already seen the very popular pilot episode. Its main star was a young charismatic politician called Esmeralda, who was toiling loyally for a tired old political party that looked doomed to spend the next decade in opposition.
Staring certain defeat in the face, party grandees begged her to take the helm to see if she could invigorate the party’s failing campaign and turn the coming election into a real race.
She turned down repeated requests but finally, reluctantly, assumed the mantle, charming the nation with her smile, sincerity and caring approach. A great sport, she did not take herself too seriously and had a true rapport with the electorate.
She didn’t quite win the election, but the vote was good enough to make her a contender for prime minister as long as she could seduce (metaphorically) the geriatric populist leader of a minor party called Oldies First.
Esmeralda won him over with some top notch whisky and shameless pandering to his massive ego. Together they formed a government.
After a couple of months in office, she blew everyone away again by announcing she was pregnant with her first child and suddenly her country seemed a nicer, kinder place.
So on to Episode Two, which is hot off the press.
In the first scene Esmeralda is overseas meeting with a bunch of world leaders keen to sign an important trade agreement.
All that stands between Esmeralda returning home in triumph is the leader of a North American country who is not convinced he can win his next election if he signs the trade pact.
Despite terrible morning sickness and a crisis of confidence in which her partner, a goodlooking former television celebrity with a social conscience, has to talk her around, she sets about persuading the North American leader to join the trade agreement.
At a candle-lit dinner at which delicacies from her own country are served, she shows him videos on her cellphone of impoverished children in a South American farming village whose parents will receive triple the price for their crops if he signs up. Another bottle of wine – she abstains for obvious reasons – and she has clinched the deal.
She returns home to a hero’s welcome and plunges immediately into solving her country’s poverty and homelessness crisis.
Her partner, who is feeling a little neglected, advises her to ease up and rest, but she is like a dog with a bone. She spends weeks with advisers and treasury wallahs, but suddenly realises charity must start at home. On one of her research trips to a deprived part of the country she notices a family of 10 who have fallen on hard times. She brings the whole family to her prime ministerial home, gives jobs to the parents and sets the children on a new life at local schools.
The episode ends with Esmeralda looking tired as the adopted couple work happily in the garden and her bodyguards run the new brood of children off to school. One of the kids gives her a hug before he runs off. She waves, but as they turn the corner, she closes her eyes and faints.
Episode Three. Phew. The health scare is only a bit of low blood pressure and her doctor tells her to take it easy, but otherwise clears her to carry on. She looks marvellous in a white hospital gown.
She returns to her office to be greeted solicitously by all her staff and sits down to read a pile of waiting memos.
Her press secretary suddenly bursts in and tells her to turn on CNN. They watch in horror as the roguish president of a large and greedy country with no parental leave holds a press conference to announce he has ordered two aircraft carriers to sail into the South China Sea to destroy two man-made islands constructed by China.
The world prepares for an international conflagration.
The phone rings and it’s the secretary-general of the United Nations. Esmeralda’s face falls as she tells her caller she will do her best.
In horrified tones she tells her press secretary the UN has nominated her to try to negotiate a peace deal before the world heads towards apocalypse. A private jet accompanied by fighter jets will arrive in two hours to take her to a meeting in Taiwan.
Her partner enters, wanting to discuss colours for the baby’s room. He insists on accompanying her on her mission, but is crestfallen when she tells him he must stay home to talk to the plumber in the morning.
Looks are exchanged before Esmeralda hurries back to her desk to fill her handbag with various articles. He is still holding the colour chart when she kisses him on the cheek and aides whisk her away. Is this the beginning of the end?
To be continued.