Let’s get radical! Your body, your rules
Taranaki-based "radical self-love" sensation Sonya Renee Taylor believes loving your body can change the world, writes Cecile Meier.
Sonya Renee Taylor proudly describes herself as fat, black, queer, bald, and neurodivergent (she lives with depression), and refuses to apologise for any of it. The American poet and activist is on a mission to spread ‘‘radical self-love’’, a movement she believes has the power to change the world – starting in Taranaki.
Taylor moved to New Zealand last year as part of a Sir Edmund Hillary fellowship for entrepreneurs wanting to bring social-impact work to the country.
She will be here for at least three years, giving diversity and inclusion workshops around the country, including to victims of family violence and a pilot programme against bullying for Christchurch school kids.
She is also planning to get Kiwi writers to cover local social justice and body issues for her online magazine thebodyisnotanapology.com.
So far she has found life in New Zealand quieter and more peaceful than in the United States.
‘‘It’s certainly not without issues,’’ she says, citing our mental health, suicide and domestic violence statistics.
‘‘A lot of the issues here relate to ways in which Kiwis are less expressive of their own emotions and feelings and to each other about things that are hard and challenging.’’
But things move slower here, she says, making it ‘‘good ground’’ for her work.
‘‘If the radical self-love model can work here, it can work anywhere,’’ she says.
Taylor’s worldwide movement grew from a Facebook group in 2011 to a team of 29 people in four countries, with about 250,000 people visiting her website each month, and two books.
It all started with a conversation with a friend. Natasha, a 30-something living with cerebral palsy, was fearful she might be pregnant after having unprotected sex during a fling.
Taylor, who has worked in sexual and public health, asked her why she hadn’t used a condom.
Natasha said: ‘‘My disability makes sex hard already, with positioning and stuff.
‘‘I just didn’t feel like it was OK to make a big deal about using condoms,’’ Taylor writes in her book The Body is Not an Apology.
Hearing that ‘‘pricked some painful underbelly of knowing in my own body’’, she writes.
‘‘A reel of memories scrolled through my mind of all the ways I told the world I was sorry for having this wrong, bad body.’’
Taylor told Natasha: ‘‘Your body is not an apology’’, and her friend began to weep.
These words, which kept getting stuck in Taylor’s head, turned into a poem and later into a movement.
After sharing a photo of herself she loved but felt hesitant to share because she is overweight, the response made her realise people who fell outside our society’s narrow beauty standards needed a space to celebrate their bodies. So she created a Facebook group.
‘‘If we want a compassionate and equitable world we have to start by having compassion for ourselves,’’ she says.
The Body is Not an Apology, released earlier this year, argues that learning to love your body is not about boosting self-esteem.
Surprisingly, Taylor is sceptical of the trendy concept of body positivity.
The concept, which sprang from the fat acceptance movement, is now a marketing tool for companies selling beauty products, clothing, and countless other things.
But that movement is just about individuals learning to make peace with their muffin tops – relying on ego and willpower to do so – not about connecting to others and effecting change.
She says rejecting judgment and shame for yourself will lead you to be more accepting of others.
‘‘If my body is OK, then I have to decide that your body is OK too.’’
Opinions about gender, race, age, weight, sexual orientation, and disability are rooted in capitalism and power, Taylor says.
‘‘I can make money out of you if you feel fat, wrinkled and ugly. When we stop believing societal messages that there are right and wrong ways to have a body, we are taking power from the system.’’
Taylor wants to dismantle the ‘‘hierarchy of bodies’’ – she says white, thin, able, male bodies are at the top of the hierarchy and thus receive more social rewards.
Our obsession with ranking bodies has led to ‘‘body terrorism’’ throughout history, Taylor says, including slavery, concentration camps, land-theft
‘‘If we want a compassionate and equitable world we have to start by having compassion for ourselves.’’ Sonya Renee Taylor
and the sterilisation of people with disabilities. And it is still happening today in New Zealand, where abortion is still part of the Crimes Act, and Ma¯ ori face worse outcomes in pretty much every economic and social measure.
‘‘Walking into a hospital and knowing you won’t receive adequate treatment because of your race, your weight or because you are trans – that is body terrorism.’’
For most people, sexist, fatist, racist, and homophobic thought are unconscious, she says.
‘‘We know we have bad thoughts running in the background. We allow them to run uninterrogated, and these thoughts impact on others.’’
Taylor knows the arguments dismissing her theory.
Some will say racism doesn’t exist any more, and that people claiming they are badly affected by it are playing the victim card. They’ll say people need to take responsibility for their body, look after their health and overcome their struggles.
Taylor is sick of people assuming that a fat body is unhealthy.
‘‘Unless you come at me with blood pressure cuffs in the restaurant, you don’t know how healthy I am.’’
Health concerns are also selective, she says.
‘‘I don’t see people down the street tackling jaywalkers or stopping people playing rugby.
‘‘I’ve never seen anyone snatching a cigarette out of someone’s mouth or knocking down a cocktail.
‘‘Fat-shaming doesn’t come from a concern about other people’s health or tax dollars. It is about not liking fat bodies. It is fat phobia.’’
And some bodies will never be healthy. Some will have cerebral palsy, cancer, genetic obesity.
‘‘As soon as we decide that healthy bodies are more valuable than others, we go back to the hierarchy.’’
As long as we are willing to accept Taylor has a point, what can we do about it?
She says the first step is noticing one’s thoughts. We might think that disabled people should be pitied or that fat people are lazy, for example.
‘‘When that thought comes up, I can say ‘that’s not true, let’s not assume that’ and get to know the person instead.’’
Constantly checking and challenging such ingrained ideas can be difficult and painful work, but it is ‘‘how we become someone else’’, Taylor says.
Another way to reshape our views is getting out of our own community and seeking out perspectives, ideas and talent from marginalised people.
‘‘If you only hang out with a bunch of people who look and talk like you, you’re going to have a limited world-view.
‘‘But don’t just ask your one marginalised friend to do all the work for you. Make it a point to do your own research.
‘‘If you put ‘ableism, transphobia or white privilege’ into Google, it will give you plenty of articles and books to read.’’ Sonya Renee Wilson will speak at Word Christchurch, from August 29 to September 2.