What I learned after
Rory Kinsella gave up alcohol just over a year ago. He says life is much better now.
Many people think New Year’s Eve is over-rated – so much hype and expectation that it never delivers.
For me it’s not been that way – some of my wildest nights have come on New Year’s Eve.
Highlights include: Losing my virginity; not leaving a New Year’s Eve house party until 8am on January 2; losing my shoes at a bar in the Philippines and then having to get a taxi, boat and three airplanes with a hangover from hell; pashing 20 randoms and getting into a street fight as a teenager; doing a walk of shame across Central Park in New York on New Year’s morning; drunkenly sitting with my legs crossed for so many hours that I gave myself a condition called ‘‘foot drop’’ where I couldn’t walk and had to take two days off work.
With this backstory, it was interesting for me to start my year of not drinking just before New Year’s last year.
I’d decided to do a meditation retreat over the break and one of the rules was no drinking for the week. After the week was up I was feeling so good I decided to extend the no drinking to a month, then to 100 days, six months and finally it snowballed into a year. Here are some of the things I’ve learned.
What’s the biggest challenge
My experience, and that of many of the non-drinkers I’ve talked to, is that peer pressure is one of the biggest early hurdles to overcome.
It’s not just our friends – drinking is so deeply ingrained in our culture and plays a huge role in almost all our social gatherings.
It’s certainly true that alcohol is the only drug you have to apologise for not taking.
When we drink, especially when we drink heavily, we’re great at making fools of ourselves and generating stories. Our friends love us for this, as well as for the drunken camaraderie we provide. They would also rather not have someone making them feel guilty about their own drinking.
A favourite tactic from friends is to accuse you of being boring. And the reason that many of us cave into this pressure – and to suggestions to ‘‘just have one’’, which we all know is rarely just one – is that it’s often completely true: when we don’t drink we are more boring. With our faculties intact we’re far less likely to dance on the bar or hook up with that person we really shouldn’t.
Realising this, we’re faced with a choice and need to look at our priorities.
What’s more important to you – to entertain your friends with your antics, or to stick to your goal of cutting back on alcohol for the sake of your health and wellbeing? Do you want to star in our own hectic soap opera or would you prefer a more gentle comedy of a life?
It’s easier to quit than you think
The good news is that once you make the decision not to drink and get past the first round of saying no to people, it’s pretty easy going.
Nic, 35, a property developer from Sydney who is approaching one year off drinking, says: ‘‘I thought I’d get the urge when under stress or with friends in situations I would have gotten carried away with in the past, but strangely these scenarios, although quite frequent, never really challenged me.’’
Scott, also 35, a communications and public affairs consultant who hasn’t drunk for six months, has also found it surprisingly easy:
‘‘I had bucks weekends to the Gold Coast and Hunter Valley in August and September which were a breeze and where I really started to believe I didn’t need to drink to have fun. I was already enjoying the dayto-day sharpness that came with sobriety. October was tougher as the novelty had worn off but day by day I’ve got more comfortable with it and it’s just gradually become who I am.’’
The benefits keep coming
For me, the biggest benefit has been a stable sense of wellbeing, a consistent mood that stays with me across the week.
In my drinking days there were so many more off-days – Sunday? Ouch. Monday? Make it end. Tuesday? Why isn’t it Friday yet?
Not drinking has meant that no matter the day, I can rely on a base level of happiness and productivity. It’s also meant I’ve had a lot more time for other activities – hobbies, day trips, weekend courses and actual time spent relaxing rather than recovering.
Scott sums up his six-month journey like this: ‘‘It has flown, and keeps on delivering benefits and upside. It’s hard to believe less than half a year ago I was crushing five or six standards a night and neither wanting to stop or understanding how I ever could. It’s funny how intertwined our dependencies are with our ability to assure ourselves that we don’t have a problem and this life right here is exactly the one we want to be living: dusty until 11am, grumpy with the kids of a morning, forgetful, just generally feeling like a broken pencil that’s still convinced it can write sharply and all’s well.’’
For Nic, the benefits he’s seen this year have been greater than he could ever have expected: ‘‘My relationships have gotten a lot better. Work has become more focused. My stress levels have become a lot more manageable and my mind is clearer. Underneath, my desires and motivations have changed more than expected.’’
For Stuart, a 39-year-old touring agent who hasn’t had a drink for six months, it’s been the simple pleasures: ‘‘The best thing? Waking up without having that dusty cloud hanging over me.’’
When the time is right, you’ll know
Some friends have argued that a more balanced approach would be better – moderation rather than quitting completely. While that might work for some people, I’ve always found it much harder to stop after a couple than just say no completely. You’re in a much weaker position with people pressuring you if you’ve already had a couple and your willpower is also severely eroded.
If sometimes you drink and sometimes you don’t, you lose that automatic response that comes with habit. Camille is a 37-year-old wellness facilitator who hasn’t had a drink for 14 months:
‘‘The most unexpected benefit is how normal it now feels for me to not drink,’’ she says. ‘‘I honestly never think about it. I much prefer being sober. I feel healthier and more clear mentally. I’ve given myself permission to have the occasional drink again when I want, so if that day comes, I can enjoy it without any guilt or shame. I just listen to my body and so far it hasn’t wanted a drink.’’
There’s no definitive verdict on alcohol – it’s not all good or all bad. We all have a different relationship with it and we’re all at different stages of that relationship. If you’re at a point where cutting out alcohol feels right, then go with it. No one else will know if the time is right but you, but getting to the end of this article is probably a good sign.