17 years in the dark
stephanie.mitchell@stuff.co.nz
It wasn’t until artist Shannon Novak left his hometown that he felt safe enough to come out as a gay man.
In a new exhibition, 17 years, showing at Anderson Rhodes Gallery in New Plymouth from today until February 9, Novak shares his experiences of being a closeted gay man during the first 17 years of his life in the city.
‘‘My formative years were in the 1990s and I was in the closet the whole time.
‘‘It’s not something I just decided one day, it was something I felt I always was. I just didn’t know what to call it until later on when I was around 12ish and I found out what it was called and was like ‘oh I’m that’ but it was said in a derogatory way so it was like ‘oh s... I’m that’.’’
Novak’s parents were deeply religious and the role of the Church made it harder to come out.
One of his works discusses his relationship with the Church and what acceptance levels were like at the time.
‘‘In The Light refers to my first boyfriend. We had a relationship behind closed doors. We both attended church, we both struggled as it was made clear being gay was not acceptable as a Christian. He tried to make it OK by suggesting that when we kissed, it was ‘‘in the light’’ of God, ie it was sanctioned by God.’’
Another of Novak’s works looks at old ‘‘hook-up spots’’ that gay men in New Plymouth would frequent.
‘‘Kawaroa Park in New Plymouth was one location a few gay men would use to meet up pre-internet. You’d hear about it via word of mouth.
‘‘That was kind of the only way we could connect with others because the internet wasn’t big.’’
About 1995, when the internet did come around, Novak found salvation in a chat room for gay teens.
‘‘There were only five of us from New Zealand in the chat room. That was where we made a lot of contact with others from Hamilton and the amazing people in Auckland telling us there was a club there and how amazing it was and we had nothing in New Plymouth.’’
When he left New Plymouth for university he finally found the courage to come out and live the life he wanted.
He left for Palmerston North, which he said was a bit more understanding and open-minded.
At the time, his parents responded negatively but after time, understanding and education things healed and became OK.
For Novak the hardest thing growing up was having no-one to talk to.
‘‘You’re going through all these changes being a teenager, which is difficult enough, and then this. It feels like you’re carrying a disease or something and there’s no cure. It felt like a game of survival.’’
For his exhibition he partnered with OUTLine, a resource and helpline for LGBTIQ+ people who may be struggling, so others can get the help he didn’t have access to.
Although New Plymouth had come a long way, Novak felt there was still work to be done in terms of gay acceptance. But that work was needed right across New Zealand.
‘‘The question is, would I feel safe living as an openly gay man in New Plymouth? And the answer would be yes – to a certain extent. Like, I most definitely wouldn’t be public about it, I wouldn’t feel safe to be holding hands walking down the street. No way.
‘‘We’re probably going to have to wait for a couple of generations for acceptance to come through in New Zealand.
‘‘Talking about it and discussing it is helpful. This exhibition is hopefully a little step towards normalising it.’’
OUTLine is a free confidential service for the LGBTIQ+ community. If you need support you can call 0800 688 5463 10am to 9pm weekdays, 6pm-9pm weekends.