Calm down, guys, and don’t be so sensitive
Ilike Piers Morgan. Not because I agree with him on anything – I think I’d have more in common with a rabid ferret – but because he reminds me that being a sensitive sausage isn’t a generational thing. The latest thing he got his knickers in a twist over was the new Gillette advert. You’ve probably seen it – it’s the one that had the revolutionary message of, ‘‘guys, don’t be a dick’’. You know, don’t bully other boys or punch them in the face or grab a woman’s passing arse. But according to precious Piers & Co, this was a military-grade assault on masculinity.
It’s not exactly surprising he’s mad, is it? I mean, this is a dude who loses it over sausage rolls. But I’ve always been amazed at how bad the foaming, frothing responses of Piers, and the #notallmen movement he personifies, are.
Many men and women who saw that advert saw it as suggesting that men shouldn’t bully/assault/ harass other people. Aka ‘‘Be a decent human’’. Yes, it suggested that all men have a responsibility to help promote this behaviour. You know, stop your son being a bully. Stop your mate harassing a woman. Wasn’t this the principles we’re supposed to teach kids anyway?
And isn’t it part of being a reasonable grownup to consider if our behaviour affects others? We all know we mess up the planet, so isn’t it part of our duty as humans who want to still live on this planet to, you know, bring a reusable bag when we go shopping?
Now, statistically, men are playing a big part in problems like harassment. Studies show 75 per cent of perpetrators of work-based sexual harassment are male. So if you’re a man with a normal conscience, wouldn’t you at least consider the idea you had a responsibility to help sort this out – even in a tiny way like being a good role model?
But instead, the #notallmen movement leaps into outraged ‘‘attack on masculinity’’ mode as soon as it sees an advert suggesting that you should stop your kid punching another in the face . . . Doesn’t that seem like they’re, well, overreacting?
Now I know from experience that whenever someone says that I’m being hysterical, they’ve normally missed some deep emotional triggering factor that’s causing me to overreact. If I’m acting like a recently electrified headless wingless onefooted chicken about something seemingly logical
. . . well, there’s something deeper at play here.
So what is causing middle-aged, rich, white men like Piers, who are supposed to embody cool, rational logical leadership, to flip? Why can’t they just have a reasonable conversation on this topic?
Of course, the simple explanation is maybe they behave badly to women and don’t like being called out on it. Maybe deep down you know that they’ve been awful to women. So they’re likely to come out swinging way too hard at any mention of how damaging it is to women and society. And maybe you could write off 25 per cent of #notallmen-ers as awful men who’re freaking because they’re being called out on said awfulness.
But that still leaves another 75 per cent of normal, kind, reasonable men who haven’t really done anything wrong who are still protesting that everyone hates men these days.
Now that’s really not what we’re saying. But I understand why you’d think that way if you are panicking. And I think men are panicking.
Men feel like they’ve gone from blissful ignorance to suddenly feeling like they’re held accountable for all of these great evils in society. And they’re freaking out. Hence their unwillingness to at least consider the topic in a non-hashtag way.
If you’re in full-on panic mode, you’re not going to see this for what it is: a critique of some parts of masculinity. You’re going to see it as you personally being responsible for all of the end of the entire civilised society.
And guys so easily go to panic mode, because of this weird inner shame so many of them carry around. Men have this omnipresent idea of ‘‘that guy’’ weighing down their subconscious. ‘‘That guy’’ is a dick. He’s the worst type of man, the one who does all of the things we’re told men do.
Men carry around the shadow of ‘‘that guy’’, ashamed that this is who men could be, worrying they’re being him, and all the while defining their own morality by constantly protesting that they’re not him. And being deeply ashamed and insecure about something is not the route to a calm, logical discussion on it.
But guys, in the nicest way possible, please don’t panic. We don’t want you to sacrifice your testicles on the altar of societal righteousness. All we want is a rational, calm conversation on the impact when good men sit back and do nothing. And aren’t men supposed to be good at cool, rational logic?
I think men are panicking. They’ve gone from blissful ignorance to feeling they’re held accountable for all of these great evils in society. And they’re freaking out.