‘Unruly family’ saga shows how to tackle anti-social behaviour

The saga of the ‘‘unruly family’’ and its eventful sojourn in New Zealand is instructive in how we deal with anti-social behaviour.

For those who weren’t in the country, the family, apparently a group of travellers based in Britain’s Midlands, became the subject of national scorn last week for leaving behind litter at a picnic spot, stealing stuff from a petrol station and being aggressive and foul-mouthed when reproached.

None of their behaviour was lifethreatening or destructive and, apart from some petty thieving, wasn’t criminal either.

It was much worse. It was, like a lot of anti-social conduct, profoundly irritating, disrespectful and inconsiderate. We can become blase about true crimes but our abhorrence of blatant uncivil behaviour never wanes.

The vengeful disdain directed at the travelling family, for whom I felt a bit sorry when I heard they were hiding in the hills north of Wellington, was astounding.

Yes, their conduct was abysmal and made worse by the fact they were easy-to-tag foreigners. But something else was going on.

An important factor in the outrage was that it demanded so little from us. The impolite group was the safest rule-breaking target we could have chosen for public disgust and vilification.

For a start those great inhibitors of criticism – race, gender and poverty – were not relevant, and therefore we were free to unleash our rage without fear of being called names ourselves. Our condemnation could not be attached to our various prejudices.

The group were white, obviously had the wherewithal to afford a foreign excursion, and contained a mix of genders.

They were also safe to attack because hardly anybody, apart from those paid to do so, actually had to confront them to point out the error of their ways.

The only person who put herself at risk was the woman who bravely recorded on video the mess the family left behind at the picnic spot, and the interaction with one of the ruder, younger members of the party.

We did not have to reprimand them, get involved in a nasty argument and risk being assaulted or abused. We could join in the condemnation without risking an ugly scene.

The reaction to the family was partly a national venting of frustration at the general powerlessness and implicit cowardice we all feel when pondering how to deal with antisocial behaviour.

Should we ask someone to tone down their language on the bus? Should we say something to the owners of cars belching dark exhaust fumes? Should we chastise the drivers of cars who insist on playing their booming stereos at full volume with the windows open? Should we insist a Lime scooter rider slow down around pedestrians on the footpath?

These questions thrust us into an awkward internal debate. If we decide to act, we come head to head with the realisation we are being brave, only because we have assessed the risk of retaliation as fairly minor. We therefore rebuke a group of harmless teens but keep quiet in the face of aggressive louts.

We all know such remonstrations carry the extra and humiliating risk of being ignored or rejected with a sincere expletive. Most of us do not have a plan B. We can vocalise our displeasure but that is essentially all we have. Shame is our only weapon and that clearly is an emotion that does not trouble most of our anti-social culprits.

In the unruly family’s case, our spine was also reinforced by the safety of numbers. A country became united against a family of rule-breaking travellers. They were outnumbered and outgunned and our anger was righteous.

While the interest in them was bizarre and in some ways disturbing, it did point to effective ways of dealing with anti-social behaviour. It showed no-one is impervious to the concerted and vocal judgment of right-minded citizens. Two recent scenarios I experienced will illustrate what I mean. On a hot Sunday last weekend, Mrs VB and I went for a dip at one of our local bays. An afternoon that should have been dominated by the drousy slap of waves was ruined by a family who had driven their two jet skis to the bay and proceeded to scream about on its perimeter.

They should have been sent on their way by an enraged mob recruited from fellow beachgoers but, surprise, surprise, not a word was said.

In the other, one of our reporters was last week working on a story about a gang member moving into a quiet suburban street. Soon the newcomer’s friends were visiting and staying for parties, which destroyed the peace and safety of the neighbourhood. Clearly what was needed was a visit from a large delegation of residents to clearly set out the unspoken neighbourhood rules. Of course everyone was too frightened.

If it takes a village to raise a child, it also takes a village to stamp down hard on inconsiderate, obnoxious conduct.

New Zealanders are slow to remonstrate. It’s amazing what people will put up with simply not to create a scene. It’s not in our nature to be confrontational, so a lot of behaviour goes unchecked. The culprits become emboldened and don’t see any downside to their activities.

But if enough people voice their upset at anti-social behaviour in a determined, firm and united way, it may not stop the behaviour but it will make the perpetrators think twice before repeating it.