Mum’s worries are never over
It’s fairly natural as a mother to wonder sometimes what life would be like if you hadn’t had children. I’d be two dress sizes smaller and my bank balance many sizes larger. But I would also never have experienced the overpowering feeling of wanting to protect my children at any cost: an instinct, I now realise, that doesn’t go away, no matter what my child’s age.
My heart has wrenched in past weeks over two examples of mothers whose children have been scrutinised on a world stage.
The first is the mother of murdered backpacker Grace Millane. Gillian Millane’s face has shown the hell she and her family have been through even more starkly than the words spoken by her husband after the guilty verdict was handed down last week.
I have no doubt the sympathy of every mother was being telepathically sent to Gillian Millane as she had to listen to the horrible, debasing and agonising details of her daughter’s death, and the hours leading up to it. Listening as Grace’s reputation was dragged through the mud, while the accused’s identity remained hidden.
There is no protection for the reputation of those who have died, something I have always found unfair, but never more than this time.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, another mother has faced a very different dilemma over one of her children. The Queen showed her support for her purported favourite, Prince Andrew, despite his association with convicted paedophile Jeffrey Epstein. She travelled to church and went horse-riding with him in very public displays of solidarity, despite a media hunt and public displeasure.
When her child made the astounding decision to do a 45-minute interview in an attempt to defend himself, the royal matriarch swooped in to protect him, and her family’s reputation, one which happens to have a value of about $88 billion.
It is public relations 101 to prepare for an interview. When it’s a 45-minute interrogation involving allegations of underage sex with a co-conspirator who has committed suicide, you would prepare long and hard, anticipate the questions and have well-rehearsed answers.
His responses were ill-considered and arrogant, and he offered no sympathy to the victims of sexual abuse. Instead, word by word, Prince Andrew created a huge mess for his mother to try to clean up.
He didn’t even consider the wider consequences that have included a dramatic withdrawal of sponsorship. Even the fashion designer hired to create his daughter Beatrice’s wedding dress has pulled out to avoid brand damage.
He made the correct response days later while announcing his withdrawal from royal duties. His words were no doubt written by the royal PR machine and approved by his mother.
All in all, the Queen is looking at just another train wreck served up by her family. But this time it is far more serious. It’s not adultery or bickering over private jets, it’s a grown-up child who has, unapologetically, been hanging out with a criminal.
So, if you think motherhood gets easier once your children have flown the nest, it is clear from the past week’s heart-wrenching examples that it’s just the opposite.
The role of being a mother is many and varied; it can bring so much pleasure and so much pain.
My heart goes out to our 93-year-old Queen, who really should be able to expect better from her adult children.
And our hearts go to you, Gillian Millane, and your family – we weep alongside you.