What’s marriage got to do with it?

Itwas lunchtime and the battle at the bank was about to begin. Wearing my flash clothes because how many forms of identification they ask for depends on how presentable I look, I waddled in to activate my work credit card.

Things were going swimmingly – only two forms were required this time – until the nice lady had to enter my details in her computer.

‘‘Are you aMrs or aMiss?’’

Look, yes, I know the world is a burning trash fire and there are bigger things to worry about but, unlike climate change, Donald Trump and Covid-19, this was an issue I could fix during my lunch break.

Taking a deep breath and checking there wasn’t a line behind me, I said I preferred to do without amarital title that had no relevance to anything at all. I pulled an apologetic face to show I was simply a nice woman with a strong belief.

‘‘I quite agree, it’s very old-fashioned,’’ the bank teller said and pressed enter, but all that happened was the little box in front of my name turned red.

‘‘Looks like I have to put something in there,’’ she said, and rattled off the same old list of options I’ve heard all my life.

By now there was aman waiting in line. ‘‘I’d really rather not.’’ I said, ‘‘Can we use something else instead?’’

‘‘How about aMs?’’

‘‘How about aMister?’’

It turned out Iwasn’t allowed to be a Mr because I was awoman, although there was no tick box for that descriptor. Next I tried Doctor, but not being a doctor I wasn’t allowed to claim that, and Master is for young men and not amaster of disaster, which at least I am.

As the options dwindled I tried for Sir and then Ma’am, a contraction of Madam and a term I’ve always quite liked. No luck and certainly no point hoping for the gender-neutral pronoun Mx.

It was at about this point the man behind me called me the f-word under his breath but ‘feminist’ wasn’t among the tick-box options either. Things were getting desperate and the conversation was becoming more and more Seuss-like in its terminology: ‘‘Miss I dismiss but Ma’am I am.’’

Gendered honorifics have no place being a compulsory part of awoman’s name. There is no good reason we should have to declare our marital status if we don’t feel like it; men don’t have to after all.

The only equivalent for them is Master, which is used for a boy or young man. Proper etiquette has all males over the age of 18 called Mister, with no distinction between those who are married or not.

The honorifics offered to women these days all stem from the term Mistress – a word I can get behind. Fourteenth century dictionaries say Mrs originally meant awoman who was skilled, who governed and taught, or a prostitute or concubine. By the 17th century the term was used solely for a married woman.

Miss, conversely, has always been awoman yet to marry, but both terms were used to indicate whether awoman belonged to her husband or father. I belong to my dog.

Regardless of the bank teller’s marital status, she was an angel, a patient and understanding angel who didn’t roll her eyes once. Within five minutes she’d found a solution and off Iwent as happy as a lark.

I floated past the now-apoplectic man behind me and smiled beatifically as he once again called me a name under his breath. Yeah, I may be a Karen but I’m now Lady Karen to you.