‘Mother of Flaxmere’ took in more than 200 children
Pfoster mum b June 21, 1954 d September 5, 2020
am O’Keefe’s first job was as a phone operator at the Takapau Post Office in rural Hawke’s Bay. It’s hard to think of amore apt role for someone whose life was to be dedicated to connecting others.
Pam, known as the ‘‘Mother of Flaxmere’’, died on September 5 at the age of 67.
Born Pamela Smith, she was a country girl, the second youngest of five children, raised on a farm near Takapau, where her father was head shepherd.
She went to Takapau Primary School and Central Hawke’s Bay College before landing the Post Office job.
It was a few years later, in 1971, when she was 17, that her life changed course.
It came in the form of 17-year-old freezing worker Henare O’Keefe, who happened to have travelled south from Hastings for a party with amate.
‘‘We ended up at this party and this beautiful red-haired, mini-skirt-clad chick walks in. She was gorgeous. My god, she was striking,’’ Henare recalls.
‘‘I was playing the guitar. She walked in with this guy. I got talking to them later on and found out it was her brother Colin. We struck up a relationship. I’d go back to Takapau and see her and before long I took her out. Iwas convinced she was the one for me,’’ he says.
Henare was on good money at Tomoana Freezing Works. He had a ‘‘souped-up’’ light blue Mark I Zephyr, and he’d drive south after his shift to see Pam. ‘‘I fell deeply in love with her. I knew Iwanted to be with her for the rest of my life, so when she fell pregnant, Iwas thrilled.’’
They were married in 1972 at a small ceremony at the Takapau Post Office because Pam’s boss was a celebrant. Their first child, Rachael, was born in June that year.
They set up home in Hastings, where Pam found work at Watties. Later she managed awine shop and was bar manager at the Flaxmere Tavern.
Both wanted a large family, but after Rachael was born the couple were told Pam may not be able to have any more children. They proved the doctors wrong and Joshua was born in 1976, and their third biological child, Rebecca, in 1989.
Young Henare’s main interests were rugby and squash. Hismumwas a founder of Te Aranga marae in the new suburb of Flaxmere, and would try to get him more involved in it. He got roped into mowing the lawns or helping out occasionally, sometimes with Pam.
The marae way of life rubbed off on Pam, and before long she was helping out there often. For the past 20-odd years there weren’t many days she wasn’t at the marae doing something for someone.
‘‘She gave herself to it, and it consumed her. She loved it. I’d try to coerce her out of doing so much, but she loved it, loved the people,’’ Henare says.
Anyone who dealt with Pam will describe her in a similar manner. Selfless, non-judgmental, warm but firm, and most at ease when unnoticed. ‘‘She despised the limelight.’’
Some time in the early nineties the O’Keefes began providing short-spell emergency accommodation for children.
‘‘I’ll let you in on a secret. It wasn’t my idea,’’ Henare says. ‘‘Back then I thought kids took up too much of my time. Iwas happy with three. Iwas selfish.
‘‘It was Pam who got us started on fostering. I came round. You just fall in love with them, and we saw the change we could make.’’
They became foster parents for what was then Child, Youth and Family. Over the years they fostered more than 200 children. Some for hours, others for years. They’d moved to a larger, sixbedroom state house by then, and sometimes they’d have 13 kids staying.
‘‘Pam was magnificent with the kids. Patient, tolerant, loving, but strict. She was the one who made it happen, kept it all together.’’
And she had a remarkable memory for names and birthdays; something Henare puts down to her years at the telephone exchange.
Marae trustee and close friend Rex Graham describes Pam as ‘‘unique’’.
‘‘She gave so much of herself. So unjudgmental. Anyone could go to the marae, and they knew she’d give them her ear. All walks of life.’’
Pam’s sister-in-law Shona West says Pam spoke through her actions. ‘‘There are two types of leaders. Those that lead from the front and the most powerful leaders, those that lead from behind the scenes. That was Pam,’’ she says.
One of those many foster children cared for by the O’Keefes was nine-yearold Phillip Rhodes, who many years later would recall the moment Pam, Henare and their kids turned up to pick him up.
‘‘The moment Pam started crying at the first sight of us I knew we were going to be cared for. Her tears showed she almost understood the situation without having to say anything.’’
Rhodes, now a UK-based renowned opera singer, performed Nessun Dorma and paid tearful tribute to his fostermum at her funeral on September 7.
‘‘Mum was the best thing that ever happened to me. This is the result of that love,’’ he said, looking at his wife and two children. ‘‘I’ve found a beautiful woman of my own and two children that, at the age nine and six, have been so caring that Imust have passed something on.
‘‘And that’s the greatest legacy I can pay to you, Mum. You taught us what we needed to know; not what we wanted to hear . . . Iwill miss you, Mum.’’