Make drive time downtime

Our daily commutes can have devastating effects on our wellbeing, negatively affecting our emotions and the way we deal with others, writes Natasha Kesseler

When you’re stuck in your daily commute, do you get wound up or do you wind down? Do you sometimes feel that after a long day at work, a bumper-to-bumper commute entices all sorts of untamed feelings, words, actions or, for some, even a burst of road rage, and you find it hard to shake off the day’s stress when you finally get home?

If you feel stuck in this loop, there are things you can do.

ACKNOWLEDGE WHAT YOU’RE FEELING

Many of us are not immune to thoughts or feelings of frustration when we have little time to unwind.

If we experience, think, or perceive a threat (physical or psychological), there is an area in the brain called the amygdala that releases a signal to go into survival mode.

Put simply, it triggers the stress hormones and responses of “fight or flight”.

It essentially switches off our ability to use our rational brain and impacts our emotional reactions. Some we may later regret.

Psychologist Daniel Goleman coined the term “amygdala hijack”.

Think about this scenario. Perhaps on the drive home, someone didn’t let you into their lane. You had been indicating for what felt like forever and, as a result, you experienced a feisty feeling towards your fellow driver, which switched off your rational brain and led you into verbal outrage or another behavioural reaction.

Understanding the “amygdala hijack” can be useful to help focus our strategies to manage it, not just in so-called “road rage” moments, but at times when we perceive or experience a threat.

However, for now, let’s focus on how to manage the feeling of not having enough space to decompress after work.

APPLY A COPING TECHNIQUE

If we have mind tools available for situations we know may test us, they can help regain control over unexpected triggers, and navigate more successfully through the unpleasant emotions we later aren’t so proud of, or think we could have reacted differently about.

CHANGE THE CHAT IN YOUR HEAD

Rephrase traffic jam to what I call “chi training”, not the actual art of chi training – remember you are driving a vehicle and all road rules and laws apply. I mean focus your attention.

For example, if you catch yourself saying things like “get out of my way, hurry up, I just want to get home”, change those unchecked thoughts to “concentrate, breathe”.

STEER YOUR BREATH IN THE RIGHT DIRECTION

When you’re stopped at the traffic lights, focus on your breath. Breathe deeply into your belly. Breathe out longer than you breathe in. This can help recalibrate your parasympathetic nervous system.

CREATE A WINDOW FOR LEARNING

During your drive, play an audiobook of interest to you (hands free, of course). Learning is one of the five ways to wellbeing. When we keep learning, it can be a great stress buster.

HOLD YOUR EMOTIONAL HONK

Think about what the other person may be experiencing. Are they not letting you into the next lane because they are deliberately trying to ruin your day? Hold your honk for the road code rules, not for your emotional rules, and seek to understand. It’s not necessarily an easy choice to make if your amygdala is firing, but consciously and carefully consider how your emotional honk might activate someone else’s amygdala.

CREATE A RESET ROUTINE

For those who live with others, sometimes there isn’t much time to reset before we are overwhelmed or welcomed by our loved ones. To help shake off the day, you could create a planned reset action.

For example, a busy corporate client described how they found it difficult to hop out of the car then go straight into being a dad. For those who have children, you will know their perception of an adult’s need for downtime is minimal.

To cope, he tried a reset routine. He agreed with his wife that he would walk in the back door, go straight to the shower, and allow himself five minutes to reset. During the shower he would apply mindfulness, paying attention to the warmth of the water, washing his face mindfully and breathing in the droplets of steam while imagining washing off the day. Then he felt ready to be present for his family.

A CALM DRIVE HOME

I have learnt there are times when we will forget to do these things, or can’t or don’t want to try to do them. Then there are times when we try something new, find it works, and it provides a small release to our daily stress.

I will leave you with this short story. A few years ago, I attended a conference called Happiness and its Causes, and one presenter described his ability to cope with stress with minimal tools at hand.

“I find my fox hole in my own head,” the presenter said. What he meant by this is that even when we feel overwhelmed, crowded, and have no or very little options at hand, we can still create a sense of wellbeing by consciously trying to cope. We can find our own inner peace even when we are surrounded by much noise.

So, drive safe New Zealand, in your heart and in your mind.

Natasha Kesseler is a Registered Consultant Psychologist (New Zealand and Australia) at Achievement Syndrome. achievementsyndrome.com