The fight club: Chumbawamba, dolphins and rainbows
Has anyone else been overseas in the past fortnight, and found themselves having to explain who Winston Peters is, why he is the deputy prime minister, and how he has ended up in a fight with British band Chumbawamba?
Arguably the most ridiculous part of the whole situation is how unsurprising the turn of events is. You can find it absolutely odd but, as a New Zealander, can you really say it is unrealistic? Did anyone see the headline “Peters vs Chumbawamba” and even consider for a moment it might be fake news? Or was there a resigned shrug, a deep sigh, and a feeling of, “well ... sure … I guess … yeah”.
Though the band are mainly known for their 1997 smash hit Tubthumping, they actually have a long history in the UK of political protest work, which the New Zealand deputy prime minister might have wanted to check before doubling down on his unconsented use of their music by publicly insulting them online.
For a country that champions competitive sport, our leaders can have questionable choices in adversaries. Because if Kiwis overseas thought British anarchist-punk musicians were going to be the weirdest political opponents for them to justify, sailing-hero-turned-villain Russell Coutts said “hold my dolphin”, or at least “hold a dolphin so the bleedin’ sailing can take place!”.
What would have been a passing story of an ancient mariner being aggravated by marine life again became an international headline once the prime minister decided to weigh in. Yes, Christopher Luxon was talking about red tape and regulations but, importantly, he was also talking very seriously about dolphins.
This isn’t to say the cares of our local aquatic mammals shouldn’t be spoken of with gravitas, and no true Douglas Adams fan would disagree.
But when the international news comes on in the airport bar, and a picture of the New Zealand PM flashes up next to a dolphin, as though an armed conflict seems imminent, no matter which way you vote, you may find yourself covering your passport with your ticket.
Still, with National wishing people would stop asking so many questions about its impending first Budget, it wouldn’t be shocking if Gerry Brownlee had been spotted down at Queens Wharf with a bucket of fish, making loud clicking noises to strike a deal.
That is to say, sometimes an opponent is picked for the distracting amount of noise it can generate.
Consider David Seymour and ACT’s sudden interest in Māori and Pacific places at universities. Their belief seems to be that such places, that allow for a culturally familiar area to study, should not exist. This is remarkably close to the philosophy of many who advocate for such spaces, in that they wish such places did not need to exist.
While this seems consistent with the ACT leader’s philosophies and recent political action, the timing is a little blunt. For one thing, drawing negative attention to Māori and Pasifika students midsemester adds yet another pressure to an already stressful situation, particularly for first-year students who can find, from personal experience, campus life a bit overwhelming.
Yet this selective targeting of a tertiary institution minority could also be in hope of turning Pacific outrage towards universities and away from school lunches. There is only so much outrage to go around.
Ironically, Winston Peters may have chimed in with support against Māori and Pacific spaces so that everyone would forget him getting scolded by the folks who sang “I get knocked down, but I get up again”. The point is, for all the inflaming rhetoric, political leaders should not be underestimated in their ability to manipulate a listening audience towards or away from their particular goal.
Then, however, there are Destiny
Church members painting over rainbow traffic crossings, which never comes close to effective politics, and somehow moves beyond satire into just being irredeemably lame.
Arguably the only thing sadder than ordering people to go and paint over a rainbow crossing in the name of Jesus – at Easter no less – is following those orders.
For what it’s worth, the Christian God is somewhat renowned for being fond of rainbows, especially as a sign of safety. Perhaps if Destiny members spent less time around paint, and more in a library re-reading some verses, they might remember their faith’s messages of love and tolerance.
Their supporters could argue that their true target is “drag queens reading to children in libraries” and even do so with a straight face, possibly confused when those hearing them struggle to maintain theirs. Truly when the history books are written, and the events of these times are considered, grown adults painting out traffic crossings in response to drag queens reading to children will probably read even sillier than it does now.
James Nokise is a regular opinion contributor, a comedian, writer and podcaster.