‘Sugar daddy’ arrangements on the rise
Relationships involving more than sex can involve bigmoneyfor those prepared to makecompromises – and take risks.
If Eve was asked where her new phone, camera or handbag came from, she’d say a benevolent relative, or a casual cleaning job.
After all, the money had to come from somewhere.
But the 19-year-old university student does not have a standard job.
Eve* is one of a growing number of New Zealand ‘‘sugar babies’’ – young, cash-strapped men and women who strike up relationships with wealthy people in exchange for money and gifts.
The Wellington woman signed up to SeekingArrangement.com, a website that matches babies with daddies, after reading about it on an anonymous message board app.
‘‘Someone was talking about how much money they got, they were paying off their student loan.’’
Her first sugar daddy arrangement was short-lived, but lucrative. The week-long involvement yielded $8000 in cash and gifts.
She saw only a photo of the man, a business owner in his late 40s, before he flew her to Auckland for their first meeting.
The pair spent the night in a hotel room after agreeing there would be no sex.
‘‘I’m not at all comfortable with that at the start,’’ Eve said.
The man bought Eve a new cellphone, DSLR camera, handbag and wallet, and paid her ‘‘a bunch of money’’ before she flew home the next day.
She never felt pressured to be intimate, she said.
‘‘He was lovely, he was just like this big teddy bear.’’
While money was the drawcard, Eve said the relationships had other benefits. The firstyear business student enjoyed her sugar daddy’s company and his commercial success made him a valuable mentor.
‘‘They have all this money that doesn’t really mean that much to them.
‘‘So why not help somebody . . . get the type of relationship they’re looking for?’’
SeekingArrangement has been in New Zealand since 2007 but experienced 94 per cent growth in users since January last year.
The site’s public relations manager, Brook Urick, attributed the increase to a greater acceptance of ‘‘the lifestyle’’.
‘‘Plenty of people are looking for the relationships our site offers, but don’t generally voice their desires,’’ she said.
‘‘[The site] is a place where each person can be honest and open about their intentions and expectations.’’
There were 8800 female sugar babies and about 1500 male sugar babies registered in New Zealand.
In contrast, 2100 sugar daddies were registered and 193 sugar ‘‘mummies’’ – a ratio of almost five to one.
The average age for a sugar daddy was 42, while babies were, on average, 25 years old.
Most babies were students wanting help with associated costs. Daddies were chief executives and business owners.
The site offered third-party background checks, but only a quarter of registered New Zealanders used the option. Members could report each other using a mechanism on the site.
‘‘All member complaints are taken seriously and sometimes result in suspension or termination,’’ Urick said.
Ultimately, users were responsible for their own safety.
Eve made sure to tell a friend about her Auckland rendezvous.
‘‘I sent her his photo and I said that I would text her once every few hours and if not, she should call the police,’’ she said.
‘‘You really can’t know with this kind of stuff.’’
Sex was not always part of the arrangement. A friend of Eve’s received a weekly allowance from a man who wanted no contact with her.
‘‘He doesn’t want to text her or meet up with her, he just wants to give her $800 a week,’’ Eve said.
Eve is searching for another sugar daddy, after her first relationship ended when the man reconciled with his wife.
She expects $3000-$5000 in monthly allowances, dinner dates and shopping sprees.
‘‘It’s quite an exhausting thing, you really put a lot of effort into it,’’ she said.
‘‘You’ve got to make sure you look perfect, you’ve got to be your best self. You don’t want to bring any negativity.’’
Eve knew about 10 women with sugar daddies. ‘‘It’s a lot more common that I ever thought.’’
Christchurch man John*, in his late 50s, registered with the site four months ago.
Since then, he had met with about five women, mainly aged in their early 20s, for ‘‘intimate meetings’’.
‘‘I’ve tried one or two other sites,’’ John said. ‘‘It’s worked out better than just about anything else.’’
John, who is married, was happy in his relationship, but needed more ‘‘sexually’’.
So far, John’s arrangements have cost him more than $1000 in total, mostly in cash handouts.
‘‘Maybe if I was in my 20s myself, it’d be different,’’ he said. ‘‘I’m an older guy, so it’s a bit difficult for me.’’
Some of the women John has met were students, some were saving for a specific expense, while others were ‘‘just in a bit of strife’’.
‘‘[The site] makes it clear that they don’t want anybody to just come on and say, ‘Oh, I’m offering money for sex’,’’ he said.
‘‘But, I mean, everyone knows what it’s all about – that’s why they’re there, usually.’’
But for John, sex was not the only attraction.
‘‘If I just wanted sex, I’d just go and get an escort. It’s something a bit more personal,’’ he said. ‘‘Ideally, I wouldn’t want to pay for it but I’ve got to be realistic about these things.’’
* Not the subjects’ real names