Undone by stray ‘s’
Red-faced sub-editors at the New Zealand Herald have revealed that they may have been responsible for the biggest political story of the year, following the inadvertent addition of a single letter in an online headline.
The Herald broke the news that – apparently – Prime Minister John Key was stepping down, emblazoning its website with the headline ‘‘Key Resigns’’. But a Herald insider, speaking anonymously, has claimed that the headline was intended to read ‘‘Key Reigns’’, in reaction to National’s favourable poll ratings.
‘‘The Herald has a long history of running Key-related puff-pieces. Last week we had a special look-back at John and Bronagh’s wedding photos, and next week we had slated a special pull-out section on ‘‘PM’s Top Ten Holiday Entertaining Shortcuts’’. So ‘‘Key Reigns’’ was more of the same. But someone just had to go and have finger problems with the ‘s’ button.’’
‘‘By the time the ‘‘Key Resigns’’ headline had reached the 9th floor of the Beehive social media had exploded, and I guess the PM just felt he had to go with the flow. He’s a good bloke like that. Be good to have a beer with.’’ Labour leader Andrew Little was hospitalised yesterday suffering from severe cramps in his facial muscles after several days of trying to appear statesmanlike and not grinning like an idiot. Musculo-facial specialists were trying to reduce the strain on Little’s facial muscles reflexively trying to crack a smile by showing him his latest popularity ratings. In a related incident, after breaking the unwritten Parliamentary rule of waiting at least 24 before taking a swing at a retiring Prime Minister, New Zealand First leader Winston Peters has put his sense of decorum up for sale on TradeMe, noting that it’s in mint condition and has never been used. National Party Deputy-Leader contender Paula Bennett has affirmed her ability to work alongside likely new leader Bill English, saying many people didn’t realise that she and the Dipton-born man of the land were ‘‘in fact, you know, like peas in a pod really’’.
Dressed in moleskins and a Swanndri and leaning against a battered Land Rover outside her west Auckland electorate office, Bennett revealed that English had in fact been the spur for her candidacy.
‘‘As Bill so cogently advised when I asked him about how he helped a cow give birth, sometimes you just have to put your hand up.’’ Following the collapse of the PM’s flag policy, the question remains just what John Key’s legacy will be. But a Press straw poll of historians, political commentators, two Uber drivers and Brian from Accounts has revealed a consensus slowly building.
A consensus around the notion that by 2050, a poor child from a state house will once again know there’ll be food on the table, a warm place to sleep, a free education, and that if they work hard one day they can make it to the highest –
No wait. That’s not it. Possum-free by 2050. Hopefully. Now that’s a legacy.