2016’s winners – and the turkeys who had a shocker

CPeak times now last for hours on end and the Southern Motorway has become a car park.

halk up 2016 as the year of the underdog (Donald Trump, football’s Leicester City and Irish rugby), plus it was a pretty dangerous time to be a music star too (David Bowie, Prince, George Martin). Closer to home, here’s my winners and losers from the year that was.

WINNERS

Bill English: As a boy he wanted to be prime minister but 80 per cent of the country said no thanks in 2002. It was a devastating knockout blow. But he didn’t sulk for too long. He became the brains behind John Key’s more flighty ambitions. Indeed, he said he no longer hankered for the job. That’s until Key resigned and Bitter Bill got his moment. It may be fleeting though. In politics timing is everything, and it’s never been on English’s side. But at least he can say he’s been a prime minister, even if it was only his own caucus that voted him in. He’s a grinner too. Finally.

John Key: A wildly popular and populist prime minister who simply decided to call it a day. That’s it, I’m off, and Bill, he said as he walked away; ’’You’ll be awesome’’. And with that he exited stage right. He never lost, he loved to be loved and the thought of four terms and all the crap that comes with it was too much in the end. So when his legacy is written, what do we say? Wildly popular, easy to like but achieved what in particular? See my losers column below.

Paula Bennett: From Maori solo mum on the DPB to deputy prime minister, Bennett is a divisive figure. You either like her or detest her. But you have to give it to her, life could have gone either way and she did good. She’s not everyone’s cup of tea but she’s one stop from the top job. Her back-story is good and she’s ambitious. Very ambitious. She would love to be the prime minister one day. Watch out, Bill.

Andrew Little: For a man deemed dead in the water a month ago, the stiff and cold political corpse has woken upright. Apparently he was fist pumping behind the scenes about Key’s resignation. To call him ecstatic would be an understatement. Certainly this gives him more of a chance of victory. But it would be arrogant and naive of him to think he can stay on the same track and win. He needs to come alive – and stand for something but not oppose everything. Can he do it? Sure, but he must up his game in a very big way.

Winston Peters: He’s back. He won a seat and won the hearts of the Pike River families with his hollow and populist pledge to be first to enter the mine. With English and Little lined up to bore us rigid next year, Peters, aged almost 72, is set to be the rock star. Peters must be so thankful most Kiwis have short memories, because if we recalled all the bad times, we’d probably run a mile. Watch this guy, he’s the kingmaker again.

LOSERS

First-home buyers: They basically got the middle finger pulled in their face. Anyone wanting to buy a house for the first time faced serious new hurdles and barriers. There were mortgage restrictions, bigger deposit requirements, a record tens of thousands of new immigrants and a serious house-building shortage. It’s a total train wreck and the guy who could have done so much about it let the market rule and he’s sipping cocktails in Hawaii. Not to mention Auckland house prices doubled in the five years from 2011-2016. Aloha! Catch ya never again.

Medicinal cannabis users: When other countries are making serious law changes and advances we’re sitting on our hands. The people’s champion, the late Helen Kelly, had to break the law to find a solution to her pain. We’re not asking to take Class A drugs at a party – we’re asking for terminally ill people to have other options as they face imminent death. Time to put people in charge who get it.

NZ Rugby: First the Chiefs stripper scandal, then Aaron Smith in the disabled toilet. NZR and the Chiefs initially tried to sweep it all the under the carpet but that didn’t wash. And Smith should have known better while in uniform but the people who dobbed him in looked like tossers too. By year’s end the NZR had a serious image problem and they need to put in some serious work to get out of their 1960s thinking. Women love and watch this game too, guys.

Judith Collins: Once the hardarse darling of the party, now she can count her supporters on less than one hand. She could have been the National Party leader and prime minister by now if she’d played her cards right. But she didn’t. She played hardball, looked arrogant and treated people too roughly, not to mention her questionable ethics. The party lost faith. And she lost her chance. Judith’s loss became Paula’s gain.

Drivers in Auckland: With record immigration levels over the past three years it’s almost impossible to move around on Auckland roads. Peak times now last for hours on end and the Southern Motorway has become a car park. Immigration may be great for a country but the planning for it has been downright bloody poor. Plan carefully your exits out of Auckland this summer, I recommend just after midnight.