Toxic masculinity a new burden
strengths of some bad attitudes among teenage boys and some men is simplistic, counter productive and unfair. Labelling masculinity as toxic is hardly going to change attitudes, particularly among teenage boys, or enlist the help of men who can make a difference.
That is not to say that improvements can’t be made and some have. It may have been the case that rape complainants were treated sceptically and unfeelingly but that certainly doesn’t happen now. The system can’t ignore the fact that some women make false complaints.
To suggest that women need to exercise some common sense to protect themselves, in the same way people prudently lock their homes against burglars, is also not the same as endorsing rape culture. Of course women should be free to comport themselves how they wish and in a perfect world men would not take advantage but it does no-one any good to ignore realities.
We come then to another interesting question. Is there such a thing as toxic femininity or do men have a monopoly on the toxic qualities? In other words is there something unique to women which justifies applying the toxic label to womanliness.
I certainly can’t think of anything that would substantiate such a label. But that doesn’t mean there aren’t some toxic attitudes among women as there are among men.
One poisonous attitude is this pervasive sense of grievance against men, particularly among educated women from sheltered backgrounds who tend to gravitate to the soft professions.
The attitude is concentrated not on the problems of the world or women facing true discrimination and terrible conditions, but focused entirely on changing men and perfecting them. These are women who generally have nothing to complain about but yet still feel that men are preventing them from being fully human, truly fulfilled and properly valued.
The debate about masculinity is a distraction from justifiable complaints about particular attitudes or trends that do need urgent attention. One is the increasing reach of pornography which most would agree is souldestroying and corrosive to relationships. The other is the alcohol culture which New Zealand shares with many other countries. Both are fuel for our worst masculine instincts and need to be handled carefully.
And Duff should not worry too much about her son. She will not be able to shield him from the culture in which he is brought up, nor should she try, but she and other women around him, will have a lot more influence than anything else. And it might help if she gives masculinity a break.