When the Beehive’s chickens come home to roost

Hello, this is Bill English. I can’t come to the phone as I’m busy acting in a prudent and measured way, but please leave a message. You have ten new messages. First new message: Billy Boy! The Billster! The Billarooney! John here. Just a thought. I’m still not getting enough time with the family so I thought I might cut and run, I mean leave Parliament. Sooner rather than later. Looking at my diary I’m thinking final speech next Wednesday. Will that work? Next new message: Hi Bill it’s Paula! Hey I’ve just been doorstopped by some young journo who asked me whether our ongoing failure to address superannuation issues in a timely fashion was a ticking time-bomb. And I thought ‘how rude!’. We’ve got this all under control, haven’t we? Haven’t we? Call me. Byeee! Next new message: John here again. Bronagh’s just pointed out to me that the day I’m leaving Parliament is the earliest date possible I can get out of here, or something. Talk about a coincidence! You don’t need to read anything at all into that all, Bill. See ya! Next new message: Stephen here, Bill. I’ve got some figures here you might want to see. About what happens if we get in a trade war with the States. Frankly it put the wind up me, with our reliance on the dairy industry and all. I’ll tee up a meeting to show you. Maybe wear your brown trousers? Next new message: John here. Just looking at my super package. I might take that all at once, in a lump sum. On Wednesday. In American dollars, maybe? Or gold bars? Whichever, I’m pretty relaxed. Just put it in a briefcase. Next new message: Hello Leader! Nick here! I just need to reassure that you the whole water quality thing, and the Auckland house price thing, is all in hand and going along completely to plan. There’s nothing to worry about, I’m all over it. It’s all good. Next new message: Seriously it’s all good. Next new message: You gotta know when to hold ‘em, know when to fold ‘em, know when to walk away, and know when to run – oh sorry, John here again, just singing to myself there. I’m thinking, next Wednesday for my final speech, can you organise a Crown limo waiting outside? With the engine running. Gotta get to the airport. Cheers Bill mate. Next new message: Stephen here Bill. Just had some garbled message about the four horsemen of the apocalypse being seen in the clouds above the Treasury building. Probably just some Greenpeace stunt. I’ll check it out. Next new message: John again Bill. One last thing: If you hear some fluttering on the windowsill up there on the ninth floor after I’m gone, don’t you worry. That’s just some chickens coming home to roost.