Coles considered quitting rugby
Dane Coles was in a dark place. So dark, the Hurricanes and All Blacks hooker discussed retirement from rugby at age 30.
So it was a smiling, slightly nervous Coles who arrived at Wellington Airport on Tuesday to fly to Australia with the Hurricanes, as he eyes his first rugby match in 125 days on Friday night.
Coach Chris Boyd confirmed Coles will be named on the bench to face the Brumbies in the Super Rugby quarterfinal in Canberra, his first match since March 18 when he suffered concussion against the Highlanders.
In the interim Coles suffered a calf injury and had recurring concussion symptoms which prolonged his layoff through the British and Irish Lions series till last Friday when he finally got the green light.
‘‘I got into a bit of a dark place. I couldn’t even do any exercise and I had conversations with my partner about retirement.
‘‘It was really hard. I love playing footy, it’s my job and I couldn’t do it,’’ Coles said.
‘‘There were a lot of days thinking about it, it was constantly on my mind and it wasn’t till I saw a sports psychologist I was referred to, that put some structure in my life and the way I was thinking.
‘‘I was quite negative, not in a bad way, just thinking ‘this might be it’.’’
Coles spoke to wife Sarah, about halfway through his fourmonth layoff when he was at his lowest.
‘‘I had a talk to my missus and said ‘this might be us, I might be hanging up the boots’ and that was about it.
‘‘Nothing like trying to find a new job or anything, just the way I was thinking and the state I was in. I spoke to a few good people and they gave me some really good structures to help me see a positive mindset and turn things around.’’
Meetings with the psychologist, his former team-mate James Broadhurst who was forced into early retirement by concussion, and Chiefs midfielder Charlie Ngatai all helped. Ngatai’s been through plenty of to and fro waiting for symptoms to clear.
‘‘There’s not too much success with concussion and guys coming back so it was good to see a guy like Charlie back and real positive about it. He just gave me a few tips and a bit of advice.’’
The toughest part was being close to playing, but not fully clear of symptoms.
‘‘It’s pretty hard. Just watching the lads go about their work and being on the sideline… running the water wasn’t too bad because you can help the boys out.
‘‘Even going to the stadium I’d struggle to be around the noise, people screaming, I’d be down for a couple of days, I’d be so fatigued from it.
‘‘That was hard because I couldn’t go to the game and support the boys. ’’
Coles expects to play 20-30 minutes off the bench against the Brumbies. Boyd confirmed Coles will take over the captaincy when he comes on, such is his influence on the defending champions.