Survivor faces down abuser
While Olivia* had to testify against the man who had beaten, strangled and sexually assaulted her over the course of their six-month relationship, she asked for the screens that blocked him from her view to be removed.
If she was going to put this ordeal behind her, she needed to look him in the eye and show him she would no longer be silenced by fear.
Yesterday, two years after the now 26-year-old woman first reported the abuse to police, she faced Jamie Aldridge again when he was sentenced to six years’ imprisonment.
He had been convicted of five charges of assault, two of sexual violation by unlawful sexual connection, two of strangulation and three of wilful damage after a trial in February. He also pleaded guilty to possession of utensils for the use of cannabis.
It was not the first time Aldridge had been in court for violence against women. He had been charged for abusing two previous partners. Judge Jane Farish said there was ‘‘a clear pattern of behaviour’’ when it came to his intimate partner relationships.
Olivia said while Aldridge was not abusive when they first got together, he became violent and controlling quite early in the relationship.
The first incident happened in November 2018 when Aldridge blew up over her request that he pay rent to live with her after he was kicked out of his accommodation.
He grabbed her around her face and squeezed hard while screaming at her.
‘‘Afterwards I got the whole ‘so sorry, it won’t happen again’ tune,’’ Olivia said. ‘‘I didn’t know whether it had been a one-off thing or not. I guess I hoped that it was.’’
But it wasn’t. Aldridge’s abuse became increasingly serious and violent. At times, he smashed or threw items in rage.
After an argument in December 2018, he apologised to a crying Olivia and the pair fell asleep in the lounge. Olivia woke up to Aldridge sexually violating her and told him to stop.
He persisted and she pushed him away, but he grabbed her by the hair and slammed her head on the side of the couch.
He sexually violated her again another time, despite her crying and telling him to stop.
The abuse culminated on March 10, 2019, when Aldridge strangled Olivia. When she managed to get up, he pushed her down, held one hand over her mouth and kept his other hand above her face threatening to punch her if she didn’t stay quiet.
When he was first arrested, Aldridge sent Olivia a letter from prison apologising for what he had done.
‘‘I am so sorry for everything I’ve put you through, when I was meant to be the one that held you up when you were down. It kills me, so before you think I am not punishing myself worse than any judge or court could, trust me I am,’’ he wrote.
It was a punch to Olivia’s gut when Aldridge pleaded not guilty in court.
‘‘That completely destroyed me. It was the complete opposite of what he was saying he was going to do. I thought he was actually going to face up to what he did and take responsibility.’’
According to the latest New Zealand Crime and Victims survey, almost one in six adults have experienced intimate partner violence at some point during their lives. Women are more than twice as likely to be victims of offences committed by family members than men.
Women’s Refuge chief executive Dr Ang Jury said family violence was often part of a ‘‘nasty cycle’’ of abuse that happened over an extended period because the victim was reluctant to seek help. Their reluctance was often a consequence of the controlling nature of the relationship.
‘‘For some there is so much shame involved – shame about what is happening to them, shame about what people will say about them, shame about what their children are seeing. It is a really toxic swamp for these women,’’ she said.
Holly Carrington, a spokeswoman for domestic abuse charity Shine, said leaving an abusive relationship could put a victim at more risk, which also made them afraid to seek help.
While police were the agency to call in an emergency, there were many other options for people who were not in immediate danger but seeking to get away from their abuser. ‘‘Go to specialist organisations like Shine or Women’s Refuge, or talk to people you trust. There is always help available.’’
When Olivia read her victim impact statement in court yesterday, she described how scared, trapped and humiliated she had felt. ‘‘On the 10th of
March I honestly thought you were going to take my life, and I still struggle to this day to understand why or how you could have done the things that you did,’’ she told Aldridge.
But the ordeal also showed her how strong she was. ‘‘Today, Jamie, I stand in front of you for the very last time, closing this chapter of my life and taking back everything you have taken from me. I will not let what you did to me define me or turn me into a shadow of who I truly am.’’
Olivia said she now knew Aldridge did not have any remorse for what he did. ‘‘That is why I am sharing my story – I don’t want it to happen to someone else – and if I can stop that, then it would be worth it.’’