If I was a BACHELORETTE...
What would you wear if you were on reality TV? Harriet Pudney has the answers.
Isalute the courage of anyone who is willing to go on reality television. In 2021, we all know the chances of finding love or even financial stability via these avenues are slim.
The best-case scenario is that you wind up in a position to do teeth-whitening sponsored content on Instagram, but that comes with guaranteed harassment, weird direct messages, and a general lack of privacy. My social media accounts are locked on purpose. I don’t think that level of access to people’s opinions of me would be good for my brain.
But, as I watch the current Australian series of The Bachelorette, I can’t help but make aesthetic judgments on these brave souls who have put themselves in the line of fire in the hope of finding a lasting relationship.
This season features men and women, as star Brooke Blurton is bisexual. She’s also indigenous, which makes this a genuine step forward in more than one way. I sincerely applaud that, but the fact remains that this show is still mostly nonsense fuelled by fake tan and sparkling wine, served in the ugliest cheap flutes money can buy.
In a parallel universe where I agree to truss myself up in sequin pageant gowns and hair extensions, I would want to be prepared. Those filming days go late, as you will see in the increasingly sweaty, dishevelled and frizzy appearances of the contestants as they do their cocktail party pieces-tocamera.
My first port of call would be Estee Lauder Double Wear Foundation, $76, farmers.co.nz. It’s more coverage than I usually go for, but it stays put like nothing else. Wear this on a night out and find yourself pleasantly surprised every time you spot yourself in the mirror.
I would want my blush and bronzer to look heavenly, too, and nothing shows up worse on camera than chalky, poorly blended powders. So I would opt for Dior Backstage Glow Face Palette, $94, sephora.nz. This is unfortunately not sold with a professional to apply it but, honestly, all four shades are so finely milled, it’s hard to mess up.
To avoid the telltale 1am hair I have spotted so often on these shows, I would enter the mansion armed with the Kerastase Elixir Ultime Beautifying Hair Oil, $62, adorebeauty.co.nz.
Weightless, shine-enhancing, hydrating, and smoothing. I can see why they just called it “beautifying”.
I am yet to meet someone who doesn’t get along with this product.