Musician tackles abuse with song
Just getting in the lift to talk to a journalist is enough to trigger the guilt Phoebe Vic has carried for 15 years.
The strong fierce clear voice that confronts the sexual assault she suffered within a relationship when she was 18 is not as sure as it is on her new single Closure but she is determined to see this part of her journey through.
‘‘I want to take my power back,’’ the 33-year-old explains, through carefully chosen words.
Beside her, best friend and award-winning producer, musician and APRA Silver Scroll nominee Emily C Browning nods her head.
Proud of the pair’s collaboration that showcases the tremendous talent Vic possesses, Browning knows just how deep the Ō tautahi based musician has had to reach to make the single.
As Vic begins to talk, her voice trails off as she tries to explain the trauma of a relationship that she is only confronting now with the help of a therapist.
Young, and with only high school relationships behind her, Vic began dating a man who was a decade older. With no knowledge of what constituted a healthy relationship and the naive belief that whatever took place within that intimate framework was legal, she felt saying no was not an option.
Vic found herself in situations where sexual consent was not implicitly granted but it happened regardless, because otherwise he would make her feel uncomfortable.
Saying no led to her partner telling her she was boring. ‘‘I definitely felt like I wasn’t enough. All I wanted to do was please him.’’
What followed, after the relationship ended, was a decade of trauma and other emotionally abusive and manipulative relationships – until she started seeing a therapist. She finally understood the guilt she carried about not ‘‘being enough’’ was because she had been sexually assaulted.
Though well known for her drama career, Vic’s first love had always been songwriting, and it wasn’t long before she channelled the darkness she felt into Closure.
In the track, Vic confronts her abuser with a power grounded in maturity. ‘‘You were the adult, and I was so weak,’’ Vic sings against a minimalist beat that grows in strength with a vocal chant and over the beating of drums and synths before ending with her simple truth: ‘‘You were the adult and I was 18.’’
It is a moody, edgy and sophisticated pop song that reverberates long after it is over.
Vic hopes her cathartic journey to creating the song will resonate with listeners and empower others to confront abuse within their relationships.
Closure is available on all streaming platforms and will be followed by Vic’s EP, which is due for release in mid 2023.