Love-Hate Relationship unplugged: Bluetooth versus wired headphones
It’s a truth universally acknowledged that people who still use wired headphones are technophobic dinosaurs who might as well be characters in 200-year-old novels. Carly Gooch begs to differ. Michael Wright explains to her how the 21st century works.
Wired for sound: Carly Gooch
It’s almost embarrassing when I sit on the bus untangling my headphone cords like an old lady with a ball of wool – but I refuse to conform to wireless earbuds. My main reason is that I think they look... wanky, there, I said it.
Why does everyone need to be constantly plugged in, as if we’re not on call enough carrying our phone, email, camera and music in our pocket. Now we don’t even need our phones in reaching distance to answer a call. (That’s right, according to my earbud colleagues, it’s possible to just tap on the earbud and say “Hello, this is the future speaking”.)
How many times have you seen someone walking down the street wildly gesticulating with both hands, seemingly talking to themselves, and only on closer inspection can you see they have earbuds in and they’re on thephone?
Or what about when you crack a joke to your colleague and they don’t even laugh - they didn’t hear a word you said because they had earbuds in, hidden under their hair.
And here’s the thing, some people don’t have anything going on in their earbuds, they’re just waiting for a call or aiming to look inaccessible - which usually works, especially in Mike’s case.
I stopped a woman for work purposes recently, (she had earbuds in but I accosted her anyway, I was feeling brave) and when I asked her if she could take her earbuds out while I got a photo of her, she said “Oh, I forgot I had those in!”.
Really? So they’ve become like the set of glasses you’re trying to find, only to realise, they’re on your face.
A good reason not to like them is that they’d be easy to lose, and at a few hundred bucks for a pair of the real deal Apple AirPods, I’m not willing to tempt fate. They would bounce like rubber balls, and before you know it, one’s down the drain and the other is under the next car tyre.
If I’m listening to music, I want my headphones to be visible, and if I’m on the phone, I prefer to hold it.
I could be talked into a set of bluetooth headphones for my listening pleasure, you know the ones that actually go over your head and you can’t help noticing them, but even they’re not foolproof.
On my morning bus ride to work one day I heard snippets of songs, ads, and talking echo through the bus. It wasn’t someone purposely being inconsiderate, they just didn’t realise their large, bluetooth headphones weren’t actually connected to the phone they were scrolling on. The commuter next to me tried to politely yell down the bus at her, but she was oblivious until the bus fell silent again moments later.
I used to say “I spit on iPhones”, which has led me to a daily cleaning ritual of my work phone. Maybe one day, I’ll be chasing my earbud down a drain.
Listening to his Cliff Richard records however he likes: Michael Wright
Here is a list of things that used to operate only with some sort of cord: phones, computers, power tools, the internet, pretty much anything that played music. It should go without saying that the unshackled versions of these contraptions are better than their predecessors. I mean, we even added the word to their name: cordless phone, cordless drill, wi-fi. It was only natural that the revolution would come for headphones, and when it did, I was in the first wave storming the Winter Palace.
Anyone who knows me knows I spend almost my entire time in the office wearing headphones. I’m wearing some as I type this sentence, pumping in ambient goodness (Tangerine Dream today) like the rest of the anxiety-addled workforce who find the clamour of the real world unbearable.
Alas, when your ever-present ear saviours came with a wire, the laws of the universe required that at least once a week you would catch that wire on your thumb, elbow or (god forbid) the corner of your desk, nearly ripping your ears from your head in the process. So when the technology gods found a new way to get the music from your device to your brain, I invested straight away.
It’s not just the lower injury rate. Deploying them to your ears doesn’t involve untangling a tiny, plastic crime against humanity. You don’t need to leave your phone on your desk while you walk and talk, but it’s nice to have the option. And the ongoing possibility that you’re using them to conduct business rather than getting your daily fix of Sir Cliff discourages irksome colleagues. If one of them is stupid enough to approach you mid-call you get to make that thumb and little finger pretend phone thing with your hand while mouthing I’m on the phone, which makes you feel important.
Of course, there’ll always be that person constantly taking calls while wearing one headphone, so you never know if they’re catatonic or just listening in the ear you can’t see. I have one mate who does this and I’m reconsidering the friendship. But that’s not much of a downside is it? If you buy a decent pair they charge quickly and by some cosmic miracle I the most absent-minded person I know – have never lost one. For more than an hour or so.
Arguments in support of tethered tech usually amount to excuse-making or, worse, some tiresome nostalgia play: Gen Z are reviving this obsolete thing - read more .Take it from a millennial – that thing is obsolete for a reason. Honestly, I feel a bit sheepish having to write this down. Bluetooth headphones are superior in every way. They look cooler, they’re better at sports, they drive nicer cars and they’re more popular with girls. You can even use them to listen to CLIFF RICHARD and still nothing comes close. If you want to argue about it, well, I’m actually on the phone, so ….