This new crowd’s getting us back on track
An entrepreneur and hard-working New Zealander says he has “hit the jackpot” after finding himself in the sweet spot of recent government policy changes. Barry Crocus, who describes himself as “having fingers in various pies”, told The Press that his streak of good fortune started in mundane-enough fashion when he learnt that not only was the bright-line test being reduced to two years, but landlords could now claim interest on mortgage interest payments.
“Living the Kiwi dream with a string of rental properties, this means I get a tax cut up front and pay no capital gains tax when I sell,” Crocus says. “Like a two-for-theprice-of-one scalp massage and pedicure, I’m getting it good at both ends. Winner winner chicken dinner!”
But that was just the beginning of a run of good luck for the self-described ordinary Kiwi.
The Government’s decision to roll back the use of te reo in the public sector has come at an ideal time for Crocus, who recently expanded a small family sign-writing business into a nationwide operation.
“I like the te reo as much as the next bloke, as long as it’s not being rammed down my throat,” Crocus says.
“But painting over it in English from Bluff to whatever the English name for Cape Reinga is represents an amazing business opportunity, so you can bet I’ll be in like a robber’s dog with a competitive bid.
“And at the end of the day everyone will be able to understand what they’re reading, so qué será será, as they say in Sweden.”
Crocus also reports that his investment portfolio should be “on the up and up” now that cigarettes will continue to be sold to teenagers for the foreseeable future. “People say rolling back smokefree legislation is only going to benefit the tobacco companies. But they’re completely forgetting a whole other group: the shareholders in tobacco companies – mum and dad investors like me. Let’s face it, when you want your money to make money you have to diversify – you can’t put all your funds into vegan wind farms. Go woke, go broke.”
But perhaps the biggest single boon for Crocus from the Government’s new policy direction will come if, as expected, it reverses its ban on live animal exports.
Crocus confides that some years ago, before the current ban, he had “done a deal for a rock bottom price” to get his hands on a live-sheep carrier “that had seen better days”. Now he may have the chance to recoup his investment in the vessel and get back into the shipping-animals-overseas game.
“Failing that, I’ll get some car decks and train rails put in it and sell it to Nicola Willis as a Cook Strait ferry. She might turn her nose up at it today, but demand is exceeding supply and the clock is running. If you’re reading this, Nicola, you’ve got my number. I can wait.”
All in all, Crocus says he is “stoked” with the Government’s new policy priorities and in an ideal world he would celebrate by going to the shooting range and firing off a few bursts of a military-style semiautomatic weapon.
“That can’t happen yet,” he said, “but look at what this new crowd has done