A CHAT WITH... SOPHIE STEPHENS

Young women who want to find a date are well-served by apps and organised events, but making a new friend can be much harder. That’s why UK-born Sophie Stephens, also known as Christchurchbased TikTokker SophEatsOut, started Girls Eat and Meet, a series of foodie events focused on helping women make new friend connections. She tells Emily Brookes why it’s often easier for men to make friends, what we can all do to help ourselves, and the truth behind that provocative TikTok handle.

I have to ask about your TikTok handle and the name of the events series. Are the double entendres deliberate?

Not deliberate at all! But I do get so many questions about that actually. It happened this afternoon as well, someone was like: What, girls eat meat? And I was like no, Girls Eat and Meet. I get so many questions about SophEatsOut. But I’ve never thought about changing it. As soon as I made it I just felt like it was me. It’s just who I am now.

What’s the idea behind Girls Eat and Meet?

I’m originally from the UK and when I first moved to Auckland six years ago for an internship I just found it wasn’t super easy to make friends here. There weren’t that many opportunities to meet up with other people who also wanted to make friends, because everyone already has friendship groups here from school, or they’re quite settled and they feel like they’ve got enough friends.

So when I moved to Christchurch a few years later I started posting on TikTok as soon as I got here and some girls reached out to me like hey, we love your vibe. Would you want to come out and have coffee with me? I ended up making some of my closest friends through that, who I’m still friends with now, and I thought, how can I recreate that experience for other people? Not everyone has a platform like I do and I thought, there’s got to be a way that I can replicate that experience for other people who also want to make new friends.

Why only girls?

There’s a lack of opportunities for women to connect in the way men do. I think men are much more involved in sport and they tend to make a lot of friends through that, whereas I found I didn’t have anything like that. And women are just so much more comfortable around other women. It’s just such a safe space. You get rid of that aspect of ‘what am I coming here to do?’ - everyone’s there for the same reason. It’s such a beautiful thing to see all the people in the room just all being so confident talking to each other.

What kind of women buy tickets to the events?

It’s such a mixture. Some are like me, people from overseas or new to Christchurch, but some are there because they might want a new friend who has a new hobby they might have. There’s such a variety of people with different careers turning up: I’ve had pilots, teachers, entrepreneurs, everyone seems to come. I’d say the rough age range tends to be about 18-30, average age might wind up being about 25, but again, there is a bit of a range.

How do you get people mingling?

I give everyone a name badge because at my first event I didn’t have name tags – and I can’t remember names to save my life – so now I give out name tags on arrival. I try to do something to help people talk, like giving out conversation cards, or having a speaker, which gives people something to talk about. There’s always food involved. It’s always something I like, it’s something I’m passionate about. Then people just end up mingling and chatting for the duration of the event – the fact everyone’s there for the same reason makes it easier.

People wind up going out after too, then girls exchange Instagrams. The best is when you hear that people have continued to catch up and actually made friends, like a group of girls who met at the first event and now have a regular games night.

What are your top tips for making new friends?

Try and say yes to most things. When you’re given an opportunity and someone asks you if you want to grab a coffee, or if you want to come along to tennis, always say yes. Similarly, if you have a friend who you think is going to get along with another friend, ask them the same thing and then they’ll probably do that in return. If you see someone who you think, wow, they’re really cool, I’d like to get to know them – send them a message. What’s the worst that can happen? Just put yourself out there as much as possible. There is fear of rejection, but it’s the risk-reward thing. There always is going to be some fear involved in taking risks like that but you’ve just got to focus on the positives and hope for the best. Something will pay off.

“The best is when you hear that people have continued to catch up and actually made friends.”