SURVIVING STORMY DAYS
Had a tough start to the year?
Trust me, it’s a big club. Even though our social media feeds are full of people having a “wonderful summer”, psychologists are all too aware that’s not the reality for many.
First, the stress of last year can’t be neatly packaged up and left behind on December 31. Many haven’t had the luxury of – or been able to afford – a holiday.
The wobbly economy is testing everyone, with job losses and uncertainty, pressure to stay in hated jobs or working under toxic managers. There are financial and housing worries, health issues and teetering relationships stretched to breaking point. Some have worries about their kids.
As summer wanes, many wonder if they have the energy to continue with the status quo of their lives – and depressed because they have no choice.
They’re (quietly) envious of all those who cruise back from a chill summer break into financially cushioned lives, great jobs and functional families.
If your resilience tank is drained, you don’t need a lecture on resilience. So I’m not going there. Instead, here are a few things to consider.
THINK SMALL NOT BIG
Even when everything seems to be going wrong, it’s not. It’s easy to get caught in the swirl of difficulty and assign problems a bigger meaning than they deserve – in other words “globalising” your problems.
For example, if you lose your job, telling yourself your career is over, when reality suggests you will find another job in time and it may even lead you down a better, healthier path.
When you are feeling anxious, stressed, sad or angry, pin down the reason/s for it as specifically as you can. Don’t let them make a commentary on your entire life or your future. Being specific helps your difficulties seem smaller and therefore easier to cope with.
HANDBRAKE THE BAD HABITS
Stress is linked to excess – drinking, drugs, eating, binge-watching, over-working, over-sleeping. Keep an eye on unhealthy ways of coping because they’ll hook you in if they can.
GIVE YOUR FEELINGS AIR -BUT NOT POWER
It’s important to acknowledge your difficult feelings – and don’t try to squash or deny them. That’s unhealthy and may cause problems for you down the track.
But remind yourself that you can (and must) manage your emotions, or they’ll grab their chance to manage you. So know that there’ll be an ebb and flow to your days. Ease off when you’re struggling but don’t allow your feelings to shut down your ability to get off the couch and take action.
KNOW YOU CAN SETTLE YOURSELF
It’s wonderful to have a supportive network, people you can count on for comfort when things go wrong. But always relying on others to settle your emotions is a trap because it undermines your belief in your capacity to cope. So is seeking opinions from multiple sources – even if they confirm your own – because it will cloud and confuse your thinking.
Each of us should have (healthy) ways of calming down or comforting ourselves – and they don’t need to be big, elaborate strategies. Simple and portable things work best. Walks or other forms of exercise, reading, yoga, music, puzzles, colouring or art – make sure you have a go-to way of settling yourself. It’ll help you to feel much more in control, the CEO of yourself.
WHAT LIGHTS YOU UP?
I always steer away from prompting people to find their passion – that often causes more stress than it’s worth.
When your life turns upside down, it often takes every bit of energy you have just to get through it. But change always forces you to look in new, and often quite unexpected, directions; often it provides more space and opportunity for you to explore them.
So when you are ready, gravitate towards things you enjoy. Sink deeper into them. Time can help and heal, but so does throwing your heart over a different bar.
Karen Nimmo is a clinical psychologist.