Telling a mother’s story

Catherine Hanson-Friend’s heartbroken warning was a timely story.

Telling it carries many challenges. Some would say it should not be told. Telling the story was desperately hard for her. Even beyond the legal requirements, it needed to be told carefully. She discussed the apparent suicide of her son from the twin perspectives of a bereft mother and her work as a grief counsellor.

He was taken home where more than 130 friends from several schools visited after his death. As well, some of the generalised views that we might so easily form about the circumstances that can lead to suicide were in this case shown to be far from reliable. She described her son as open about his feelings, in a family where no subject was taboo. This may not be a comforting message, but it’s true and we’re better off for hearing it. Today some very loud voices in the community have been telling us we did wrong. We respect their views too.

Great damage can be done by stories that give the act of suicide some sort of spurious glamour. It has none.

But damage can also be done by the echoing silence that for so long was imposed on reporting the problem in New Zealand. Amid the admittedly conflicting views of experts the one that has at last gained traction with our lawmakers is more in tune with international experience — that it is vital to be able to tell such stories in ways that don’t encourage suicide.

A measured liberalising of the rules under the Coroners’ Act is welcome. The Southland Times and the news media must be ready to stand accountable for what is printed, and to a degree for what is not. That accountability goes beyond the provisions of the Coroners Act and the Press Council. We have to look our community in the eye and be ready for the feedback, mixed though it will be, about whether we printed too much, or not enough. Whether we consulted the right experts or the wrong ones. Whether we directed attention to the right sources of help.

But we do say this. Catherine Hanson-Friend sought to do something good by speaking out. To publish it was our call.

This should be the start, rather than the end, of an important conversation.