Something smells fishy, Minister Nash

Fisheries Minister Stuart Nash, welcome. Mate! Fish finger? I beg your pardon? Fish finger! Nature’s bounty! High-value protein to get you through the day and all thanks to New Zealand’s world-leading fishing companies.

Yes, about that –

I do 20 fish fingers a day! Feel that bicep! Go on, feel it! The tone! The girth! Hope you don’t mind, I’ve brought my dumb-bells with me. Train, train, train! Do you know what they call me in the gym at Parliament? Nash the Bash!

Minister, Greenpeace spokesman Russel Norman –

Talk about dumb-bells, there’s one right there! Hah!

Be that as it may, Russel Norman has taken issue with your stance on cameras on fishing boats.

You tell that girlie-man to bring his ‘‘issues’’ down to the gym at Parliament, and me and him can duke it out mano a mano!

Minister, when Labour was in opposition your policy was to have cameras mounted on fishing boats.

Absolutely! Because there’s nothing more important than ensuring our natural resources are used sustainably. Here, spot me on this bench-press.

Er, right. But now you’re the Minister of Fisheries you’ve delayed the introduction of cameras on fishing boats.

One, two, three, heave! Absolutely! Because you have to look at the commercial reality of the situation instead of sitting up in ivory towers. Coming down. Watch your toes!

According to Russel Norman –

Heave! Listen, I don’t know what planet Russel Norman thinks he’s on but you can’t just stick a Go-Pro on a fishing boat.

Can’t you? Why not?

And . . . down. Technical issues.

What sort of technical issues?

Several. Ooh, and privacy.

Privacy?

Look, we’re not the sort of bigbrother outfit that puts statecontrolled cameras into private workplaces willy-nilly.

But won’t the cameras be pointing at the fish?

Don’t fish deserve privacy too?

The fish will be dead.

And in their dying moments you think it’s OK to stick a camera in their faces? Honestly, you journalists. Pass us the sweat towel, wouldja?

Has this got anything to do with the fact that your coalition partners, Winston Peters and Shane Jones, are matey with the big fishing companies?

Are they? That’s not what I’ve been herring. Ha! See what I did there? That’s not what I’ve been ‘herring’. A little fish joke.

Very droll, minister. But just to follow up the point, do you think the fishing industry is trying to exert an undue influence on Govt policy?

Not at all! I mean obviously these companies need to make a net profit. ‘Net profit’! Ha! I did it again!

Wait – are you trying to derail this interview by indulging in fish puns?

You’ve got to be squidding!

Really?

Of course I’m not. It’s not my plaice to do that. Not my plaice!

OK...

Well, my workout’s done and I don’t want to take up any more of your time. That would be shellfish. Shellfish!

Minister, I think you’re floundering.

Yes, but check out these mussels!

It’s not exactly a useful exercise to keep score. The political year has only just begun and there’s a river of water to flow under the bridge yet on this, the ‘‘year of delivery’’, the year of tax, industrial relations, education and mental health reform, and the year of policy discussion.

Sheesh! That’s a lot of heavy subjects New Zealanders are expected to digest over the next 12 months, and they can expect it all to be iced with a heavy dollop of politiking, claims and counterclaims.

So as we welcome the MPs back to Wellington on Tuesday, it might be useful to carry out a stocktake of the past month and translate in a layman’s terms what it means for our political leaders.

Let’s face it, this is politics and there are seldom rewards just for participation.

States of the Nation

Two major speeches, from Prime Minister Jacinda Ardern and Opposition leader Simon Bridges, focused heavily on the economy and both delivered to similarly businessoriented audiences.

That’s where the similarities end.

A picture of two very different nations has been painted by the pair of them. Listen to the prime minister and it’s a rosy outlook, a few clouds on the horizon but nothing the Government hasn’t futureproofed for, and certainly not an overcast day within its control.

She talked up this week’s employment data showing wage growth, but glossed over the unemployment rate, which had risen more than expected – 4.3 per cent and a solid sign of softening markets.

Meanwhile, Bridges zoned it closer to home: ‘‘For the first time in years our growth per person is falling behind Australia. For many New Zealanders, incomes are struggling to keep up with the rising cost of living.’’

In the economic debate, where there are very few wrong answers, it can be framed to suit the audience. Ardern’s Government has made significant progress in bringing around the business sector, but she’ll be conscious of a regression once industrial relations and tax reform starts to roll out.

Where the Nats have business locked down, they need to appeal to everyday New Zealand – and they’ll attempt that through appealing to their wallets.

To tax or not to tax

The Government could well be on a hiding to nothing here, made worse in part, by a deft political move from Bridges.

Labour has promised tax reform, in particular a capital gains tax (CGT). It will be the centrepiece policy in a report from an expert working group the Government convened, in part to keep the recommendation

KiwiBuild ‘shonky’

There’s no grey here, this has the potential to be disastrous for the Government if it cannot get on top of construction and start putting nails through wood.

But Ardern is surely fuming that minister Phil Twyford made the admission when he did, that the Government didn’t have a hope in hell of reaching its first target – now abandoned.

Overseas and unable to manage the fallout of Twyford’s verbal diarrhoea, Ardern was left to feebly refer only to the 10-year target of 10,000 houses – probably a moot point given failure is directly proportionate to the prospects of a second and third term.

When a construction project of this size starts to blow out, it’s usually only by cutting corners that it can have the appearance of staying on track – also not a option.

The policy is Labour’s flagship one – the promises were unequivocal: ‘‘We will fix the housing crisis.’’ National barely has to lift a finger to offer critique; if this behemoth turns into a slow-motion train wreck, it’ll also be too big for voters to miss.

The year of delivery

This is true of both parties, although the Government has a lot more riding on it.

They’ve made their promises, they’ve kicked the delivery of them all down the road, and now they’ve caught back up to them and there’s no second shot at a conversion.

The Left voting block will indeed be expecting to take delivery on KiwiBuild homes, a fairer tax system, a renewed mental health system and better-resourced health system in general.

It’s expecting industrial reform and fair pay agreements, hefty new climate change laws and an overhaul of the welfare system. It’s a lot of work, and it’s all highly controversial. It’s going to require one hell of a communications plan, which has so far been absent.

To add pressure to Ardern, it’s all happening at a time where – she rightly states – the world economy is slowing. Irrespective of the fact that’s not within the Government’s control, it’ll still face punishment for it from some quarters.

And for National, it needs to deliver policy and discussion – a difficult job with the limited resources of Opposition, but not remotely the hurdle the Government faces.