Protecting kids from cyber bullies
Travelling from Bluff to Katikati visiting most towns in New Zealand, I see what is normalising across society in schools and homes.
For example, it is not uncommon for Mondays in many schools across New Zealand to be a stressful time for students and staff.
Arguments between students played out across social media during the weekend end up exploding in the playgrounds or classrooms.
The following two or three days are spent trying to resolve the conflict or protect a child from harm.
The key stakeholders in this response are always principals, deputy principals, teachers, councillors and sometimes police. I am often asked for advice or to work with schools and communities that experience these problems.
Generally, in primary schools it’s low-level arguments which evolve over the weekend between children who are not old enough to be on the social media platforms they are using to either bully others or are themselves the victims of online abuse.
In high schools, the type of online weekend bullying includes rumour spreading, damaging reputations and threats of violence that will be delivered on Monday at school. Often involving females being brutal and cruel to other female students.
These are dangerous situations that left unchallenged can lead to tragedy.
The use of unregulated information communication technology (ICT) has a causal relationship to these issues. If the guardian does not know what the child is doing, they cannot guide them, advise them, or correct them when situations develop which left unchallenged can lead to antisocial behaviour. This is Cyber Separation and in the early years of a child’s life should not be allowed to develop.
Letting children and young teenagers loose in cyberspace without support is a common parenting mistake.
Working with victims of crime,
I meet 10 year olds who have been sexually exploited online. Children who are targeted relentlessly online by people they know or know of. This type of antisocial behaviour can lead to tragic outcomes for children and families.
There are numerous things that guardians can do to safeguard their children online.
Keeping the technology out of the bedroom until they are at least 13 can reduce the risk of cyber separation. And by checking their phones from time to time, they can check that the quality of the communication is consistent with the family values.
A major contributing factor to reducing the impact on online antisocial behaviour is to teach a child not to respond to someone who is bullying them.
TIPS FOR YOUNG PEOPLE
Take screenshots of what has
been said and show an adult. Even if screenshots cannot be taken, do not respond; go and talk to a trusted adult.
Then if the police get involved, they can see who the abuser is and who the victim is.
TIPS FOR SCHOOLS
Take notes on children who repeatedly bully others online or offline and look at all contributing factors, age, context, and family circumstances. If the child is not old enough to be on the platform, make notes on this and inform the parents.
Send out newsletters every few months reminding parents to be involved in what their children are doing online, possibly to other students.
Also, explain to the parents the real dangers present when children abuse others online.
Ban the use of mobile phones in high schools.
TIPS FOR PARENTS
For younger children turn off all ICT at 7.30pm. Don’t give them social media until they are old enough to be in it. Maintain access to the child’s platforms by creating the passwords for them. Nominate trusted family members to join your children online and form a protective circle around them. Create open lines of communication with your children.
For the first two years at high school look at their mobile phones regularly. You can also contact Netsafe.org.nz for advice and information about cyberbullying. If you believe a child is in immediate danger contact the police. They will know what to do.
A question I ask parents to ask their children is: ‘‘Have you ever bullied anyone?’’
We are particularly good at teaching our children how to protect themselves from others.
We need to be just as committed to protecting other children if we think our own may be harming them.
Teachers only have students 11 per cent of the time, and this should not be their burden to carry alone; it belongs to all of us, we are all responsible for the protection of children.