Mother can’t forgive her former husband for killing their kids

For years, Angela* has wondered why the father of her children decided to drive head-on into a truck, killing two of her children and injuring another.

‘‘Still now I’m in shock. I still don’t believe it.’’

It floors her every time she hears of a child being killed by a partner.

‘‘My heart breaks, because I think, you don’t see it coming. You really don’t. It’s the one person that you think you can trust.’’

She’s read about women who forgive the men who killed their children. But seven years on, she’s just not at that point.

‘‘I’m just not there yet and I don’t know if I ever will be ... and I don’t know where you find forgiveness, to be honest. Because you know what? They so didn’t deserve it.’’

Angela had been separated from her husband for six months when her children went to spend the week with him.

She was out of town when the crash occurred. She received the call when she was hours away, and was unable to get to the hos- pital quickly. ‘‘Time changes nothing. When something like this happens, it changes every dynamic of your life – it changes the way you think.’’

The first few years were particularly hard.

‘‘It was just the lack of busyness, really. I suddenly went from being a really busy mum to just having one child. I still struggle with that big time.’’

It took more than a year before she worked up the strength to pack up the children’s rooms and remove their toothbrushes from the bathroom. But in the end, the ever-present emptiness became too much and she had to move out of the house, and out of the small town where the children had grown up. ‘‘I thought, I just can’t live here. You can’t walk in the same steps once something has gone.’’

And she wanted to shield her remaining child from what had happened.

‘‘She doesn’t know the bulk of the facts, and living there, she would have learned far sooner than I wanted to tell her.

‘‘And she would have always had people looking at her, saying ‘you poor thing’. I didn’t want her growing up being a victim.

‘‘I wanted her growing up with the mindset that, yes, something bad had happened, but she was going to have a wonderful life, no matter what.’’

A change of career helped Angela get out of her ‘‘hermit life’’.

‘‘I’d always worked in early childhood care. It was never an issue because I adore children. But suddenly I found taking [my daughter to school] and seeing the children doing their Jump Jam (a mix of dance and aerobics) – well, it would take my breath away and ruin my whole day.’’

She volunteered at her daughter’s school for a while, then decided to train as a nurse.

‘‘It’s been absolutely brilliant and it gives you such a focus. It’s quite humbling, because you’ve got no time to think about yourself and, really, this person [you are caring for] has got it just as bad.

‘‘It makes a big difference and keeps me sane.’’

She has remarried and says she has no regrets about the past. I think they had a wonderful childhood. I just hope like anything that they knew nothing, you know.’’