Rules make golf hackers happy
What a fantastic feeling it is going into 2019 knowing your life WILL improve; if you play golf, chances are you will wake up on New Year’s Day full of hope and optimism for a brighter future.
If you don’t play golf, thinking it’s all too stuffy and slow, well good news folks – a great deal of the stuffiness has been removed. Happy Days all round, then.
How can we be so certain? Well, it’s all due to tweaks to the golf rules that come in on New Year’s Day, bringing with them common sense and immeasurable health benefits to those prone to bemoaning the injustices of golf.
Overall, the tweaks will speed up the pace of play, so golfers can be back with your loved ones or clutching a cool clubroom drink more quickly than has been the case.
As we all know, golf is enjoyable at any speed, but it’s a more fun when you’re not forever waiting on the tee as the group ahead conduct FBI-style investigations into the case of the missing golf ball(s).
Under the new rules, those ball-hunting expeditions can last only three-minutes, not five.
But this golfing tragic’s favourite new rule is not about speed of play, but revolves around an anger management issue.
No more will I – as my father eloquently put it – ‘‘blow a foo-foo valve’’ when I double hit the ball on an awkward (or even straightforward) chip onto the green.
Copping a one-stroke penalty for sending the ball in a never-intended direction, or into some grassy hell when you initially pictured it rolling sedately toward the flag, is to pour a golf bag of salt into an already gaping wound.
Now the one-stroke penalty has been removed, making life safer for both the crummy chipper, and his chuckling golfing buddies.
As well, no more will there be a gasping scurry 200 metres back to rehit a tee shot, after the initial ball disappeared in a golfing Bermuda Triangle, left the course altogether, or remained up a ball-eating tree.
Golfers who don’t wish to return to the scene of their tee-shot crime, can now drop a ball on the fairway – if local club rules permit – and add two shots (still ouch, but ouch with benefits).
Dropping a ball in the fairway saves time, conserves dashing-back to the tee heartbeats, and minimises the risk of an achilles or hamstring blow out.
An added bonus is not having to reload in front of the waiting following group, who you just know are thinking: 1) hurry up idiot 2) why didn’t he hit a second ball in the first place if he thought it was lost? 3) hurry up idiot
And no more will the weekend warrior tap in a 2cm putt, only to have Peter the Pedant hit them (correctly) with a two-stroke penalty for putting with the flag still in. Welsh professional Phillip Price once saw an eagle turn into a par when he made this bungle.
Removing that rule will speed up the pace of play, give golfers at least some chance of holing that tricky downhill slider by using the flag slow the ball’s momentum.
It will also prevent you going into a negative mindset, while hoping the golfing Gods strike down Peter the Pedant.
Allowing players to ground their club in a grassy (or watery) hazard is a winner on two levels – for the average golfer it takes away some of the stress of an already difficult shot, and it improves the chances of them getting the ball back in play, rather than driving it even deeper into the grasping green stalks and further slowing play.
Let’s take this moment to farewell that old friend the double hit – most recently spotted on the sixth at Karori two days ago. Goodbye old friend. And to the Royal & Ancient and the USGA. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Other key new rules: ❚ When taking a penalty drop, players will now drop the ball from knee height ❚ Players can remove loose impediments from bunkers and other hazards, without penalty ❚ No penalty if a golfer accidentally brushes the sand ❚ Ready golf will be encouraged (whoever is at their ball first can hit) ❚ Repairing spike marks on the green will now be permitted ❚ You can now play with a club that has become damaged. If you caused the damage, however, you can’t replace the club with a new one.