Trans in small town NZ poses challenges
Marcelyn Yerbury used to suppress her emotions; now she cries freely.
‘‘It feels cathartic,’’ the 22-yearold from Timaru says. ‘‘I cry over buried memories.’’
Yerbury started taking hormone replacement therapy six months ago to feel more feminine and now has reduced facial hair and developing breasts.
Her gender identity journey began when she left high school at 17 and, suffering with gender dysphoria, felt lost. Her parents also separated about this time.
‘‘I was upset and didn’t know why. I was clearly upset with my body and how it felt and how it was perceived by others.’’
She describes it being like wearing shoes that are a bad fit.
‘‘They [shoes] are not comfortable and start to hurt.’’
A depressive episode led Yerbury to see a counsellor who helped her talk things through and gave her clarity.
The next stage could be gender reconstruction surgery but Yerbury has not made a definite decision on that.
‘‘Most trans women don’t. I think I am happy the way I am.’’
Whether she does or not, she plans to remain on HRT for the rest of her life.
Still, with male genitalia Yerbury says intimacy with the right partner can be good but it can also be negative, depending on how they treat her body.
Though she had a very supportive GP guiding her through the process, telling her parents about her personal changes was not easy.
‘‘Mum took it rough. It felt unwelcoming. I haven’t seen her for over six months.’’
Her father took it better, and their relationship is good which is a switch from when the teenage Yerbury blamed him for the divorce.
When Yerbury changed her name in 2017 from the masculine one her parents had given her, to Marcelyn, her father who had bought Yerbury an engraved flask for Christmas quickly had it re-engraved with her new name. ‘‘That meant a lot.’’
She will not divulge what her previous name was as that part of her was ‘‘dead’’.
Her younger sister is supportive of her journey but there is a little antagonism between them over the relationship breakdown with her mum.
Learning to put eye makeup on, walk in heels and buy her first bra are some of the hardest aspects of being a trans woman.
She has found Timaru retailers are nonjudgmental and helpful in her experience but being stared at in public when not wearing makeup but in a skirt is awkward.
The only other times she has felt uncomfortable were at New Year’s Eve on Caroline Bay a few years ago when a belligerent guy wanted to know why she was wearing a dress, and a car-load of blokes yelled obscenities when driving past her one day.
It was only in 2018 that Yerbury came out socially at the supermarket she was working at.
‘‘Everyone was really good, and generally accepting.’’
Yerbury plans to study to be a social worker and counsellor.
Looking back she wishes she had started the trans process sooner and can see that she was different to other little boys.
Not sporty and preferring to stay indoors, she would also draw comics of a mad scientist changing girls’ bodies to boys’ bodies.
It was seeing Yerbury’s Meetup
Group in Timaru that encouraged Waimate trans man Dakota Pali to set up his own support group.
Pali said being a trans man growing up in the town had been lonely, but he hoped that would change after recently starting the Waimate LGBTQ+ Support, to offer a safe and supportive place for those in the ‘‘rainbow community’’.
‘‘I want this group to be a place where people are able to express themselves, without fear of danger or ridicule.’’
Pali said he’d found it difficult to connect with others, as he was never sure who around him would accept him for who he was.
‘‘It’s not something people really talk about. It would be good to just educate people about how to deal if their friends or family come out, and make them feel welcome in the community.’’