Why the Ashes has been child’s play for Australia
The post-mortem of England’s humiliating Ashes defeat has been brutal in the English press after Australia’s series-clinching win by an innings and 14 runs in the Boxing Day test on Tuesday.
England collapsed to 68 all out before lunch on day three at the MCG and have to play another two tests against a buoyant Australian side targeting world domination under new skipper Pat Cummins.
The knives have come out from irate English cricket writers after Joe Root’s England team slumped to an embarrassing loss that has been lambasted by several former players.
However, no analysis was more damning of England’s frail batting than the assessment of The Telegraph’s Oliver Brown, who said the eldest daughter of Australian opener David Warner had a better defensive technique.
‘‘You felt pained on behalf of the Melburnians who had turned up hoping for 90 overs of England resistance, only to see these bungling tourists blown away. Even Australia’s players looked faintly shocked by the speed with which the end came.
‘‘David Warner might reasonably have expected to chase down a target, but instead he spent the afternoon on a sun-soaked outfield, teaching his three daughters how to bat. His eldest, Ivy Mae, is just 6, but already seems to have a more cultivated defensive technique than some of England’s middle order,’’ Brown wrote.
Andrew Miller, of ESPNcricinfo, said England’s struggles threatens the longer format, globally, after a ‘‘pathetic’’ Ashes campaign in the series that had long been considered the game’s greatest rivalry.
‘‘On Tuesday, that bubble finally burst,’’ Miller wrote. ‘‘After weeks of barely suppressed panic behind the scenes, England’s capitulation in Melbourne deserves to be test cricket’s very own Lehman Brothers moment – the final, full-frontal collapse of an institution so ancient, and previously presumed to be so inviolable, that it may require unprecedented emergency measures to prevent the entire sport from tanking.’’
Miller said the humiliation in Australia has exposed bigger issues and pointed the finger firmly at English cricket chief executive Tom Harrison.
‘‘[Coach Chris] Silverwood is just another symptom of English cricket’s wider malaise. From the outset, and irrespective of his theoretical influence, he was only ever an uninspiring overpromotion from within the team’s existing ranks – more than anything, a recognition of how undesirable the role of England head coach has become in recent years.
‘‘In an era of gig-economy opportunities on the T20 franchise circuit – when barely a day goes by without Andy Flower, the architect of England’s last truly great test team, being announced as Tashkent Tigers’ batting consultant in the Uzbekistan Premier League – who wants or needs the 300-hotel-nights-a-year commitment required to oversee a side that, like an overworked troupe of stadium-rock dinosaurs, fears that the moment it takes a break from endless touring, everyone will forget they ever existed in the first place?’’