More power to the introvert
Slow and steady wins the race, and it is that careful and considered approach that means being introverted is becoming a much more prized asset than being an extrovert, writes Karen Nimmo.
‘I’m a terrible introvert,’’ my client said. She was having trouble adapting to the postpandemic pressure of having to get back out in the world to be with other people. She lived with her partner and often worked from home. Although there had been frustrations with Covid’s lockdowns and restrictions, she had adapted easily, even enjoyed it.
There had been no pressure to make small talk, attend social events, even to see friends. There was no risk of judgment from others. And there was no fomo (fear of missing out), because no-one else was doing anything either.
‘‘Now I don’t have that excuse any more.
‘‘I have to get out there again and it’s making me feel stressed.’’ can go hand in hand with social anxiety, a recognised psychological condition marked by intense fear and avoidance, which often starts in childhood and can significantly limit a person’s quality of life.
But if you operate well at the quieter end of the scale, there are plenty of reasons to celebrate, particularly in a chaotic, noisy world.
These are the best of them.
You have a pause button
You take time before you speak or react. You take time to consider your responses. While it might feel like all your thoughts and feelings stay locked up in your head and heart because you are afraid to let them out, it can be a good thing.
I wish everyone had a pause button. Half the world’s troubles are caused by thoughtlessness; impulsive or emotional reactions that do way more harm than they ever do good. So celebrate that you take your time to think and act.
You don’t bully people with your views
Reserved people often struggle to say what they feel. Often they will report huge frustration because they have worthy opinions but they freeze in the moment.
That makes them worry others will see them as bland and boring, and therefore they will be lonely.
Feeling unable to speak freely is hard, but it can be improved. And it is better for everyone than if you confidently verbalise your every thought. That is the true definition of boring, isn’t it?
You give others space to shine
While it is true that you may be giving the wrong people too much air time, you are also giving the right people the time, space and freedom to express themselves. This can make you not just good at all sorts of relationships, but great.
You are comfortable on your own
People who love – or crave – company often express fears about being on their own. Mentally they can struggle when they are without company, and that can lead to poor choices in friends and partners. But a person who is easy in their own company is often self-contained and well-equipped to cope with isolation.
You are seen as trustworthy, not a gossip
If you are quiet, others will make a natural association between your reserve and trust.
They will trust you to keep their secrets, that you won’t blab them to the world. So all you have to do is live up to that image. Trustworthy people make the best friends.
You have a rich inner world
People who struggle to get their thoughts and feelings out into the world have a lot going on internally. Sometimes, all that overthinking can make life hard for you. But it makes you incredibly rich inside. Often smart. Often creative. Often a person who thinks about others, a person who thinks beyond themselves.
Karen Nimmo is a Wellington-based clinical psychologist