I tend to think that the family planning decisions of New Zealanders are private affairs.

Whatever your feelings or moral hang-ups when it comes to the issue of beneficiaries having sex, it is somehow unseemly to have politicians talk about it.

The announcement last week that the Government was providing funding to make available contraceptives hitherto presumed beyond the financial reach of Miss/mrs/ms Dolebludger was one that saw comment from all ends of the ideological spectrum.

Very few of these people are what I would call sexy. Seeing the likes of Paula Bennett, John Key, Sue Bradford, Tariana Turia and David Shearer wade into the debate and discuss the minutiae of who is doing what to whom is about as erotic as a used condom.

It’s like overhearing your parents making love. You know that they are vaguely acquainted with the facts of life – indeed, parliamentarians have traditionally been prolific breeders – but it’s nauseating to hear frank, conjugal conversation.

We should be grateful that some of our elected representatives have kept their mouths shut. The country awaits Bill English’s announcement with bated breath.

The Catholic fringe of the National Party is mysteriously quiet on the subject. Perhaps they have better things to do at night than lecture their fellow citizens on fertility.

John Banks has also been blessedly silent. beneficiary. He somehow manages to get by on a stipend of $60,000 a month but, really, it doesn’t go as far as it used to.

He’s also a recent father. Perhaps then his wife might avail herself of a Paula Bennett special before departing these shores, getting a swift shot in the arm to ensure there’ll be no more tubby little German internet would-be pirates scurrying around, upsetting the FBI and bankrolling the loony, if amnesiac, branch of the New Zealand Right wing.

Whenever our learned leaders attempt to influence the nation’s sexual habits, there’s always the possibility that the blowtorch of reproductive politics can be turned upon them.

Mrs Bennett’s is a celebrated back story: solo mum turned Cabinet minister, a shining