‘It will be like she is doing it with us’
Neil Baxter will use the memories of stepdaughter Emily Branje to inspire him during the mountain run in the Coast to Coast multisport event tomorrow.
Emily drowned when caught by a rogue wave while with extended family at the mouth of the Hokitika River in late September last year.
Christchurch’s Baxter will have Emily’s name embossed on his race-day bib, and also wear a star-shaped piece of jewellery with her finger print embedded in it during the 30.5km run from the West Coast to Canterbury.
‘‘I will be carrying that so we will both be making the journey on that day,’’ Baxter said.
Mum Janine Branje fondly recalled past Coast to Coast races when Emily would cheer on Baxter and other athletes, and believes she would have approved of her partner’s decision to accept the event organiser’s invite to slip him in at late notice and pay his entry fee.
‘‘It will be like she is doing it with us,’’ an emotional Branje, who will also be a support crew member for Team CP at the weekend, said. Baxter will also assist the team on Saturday.
Losing Emily had created a massive void in their lives but Baxter’s preparations for his 11th appearance in the event had given the pair something positive to focus on.
Simple things like getting outside for a walk in the evening, or helping Baxter get fit for the gruelling run across the Southern Alps, were part of the healing process.
‘‘Don’t get me wrong, I have moments where I bawl my eyes out and wonder how I ever got into this situation and how I am going to move forward,’’ Branje said.
‘‘But, then, that’s also a harmful situation and you have to get yourself back to what is helpful and exercise is helpful. It’s all about the exercise and getting back in the fresh air.’’
Since Emily’s death the pair have struggled to feel comfortable in water; six weeks ago they passed a significant milestone by completing a river crossing near Arthur’s Pass.
Although the water was below their knees it was a major challenge to remain calm. Branje said it was important to ‘‘face the fear, to turn it into love’’.
The challenge was to do things that made them feel happy, without the guilt, and she believed Emily would never have wanted Baxter to be fearful of an event that he loved.
‘‘When faced with having to recreate our lives, it is a matter
of facing your fear. Otherwise you don’t get to do things that bring you joy again.’’
Baxter had wanted to compete in the one-day race, dubbed the Longest Day, but accepted he hadn’t done the volume of training required. His previous one-day attempt several years ago didn’t finish on a happy note, having missed the cut for the final cycle leg after the kayak.
He laughed as recalled Emily saying she was annoyed because she had been denied the chance to run down the shute with him toward the finish line.
Returning to a regular training routine had been positive for himself and Branje.
‘‘I guess you have to choose how you grieve,’’ Baxter, who also urged people to be cautious around rivers and the sea, said. ‘‘We know Emily wouldn’t want us sitting back, she wouldn’t want us giving up.’’
‘‘Don’t get me wrong, I have moments where I bawl my eyes out . . . But . . . you have to get yourself back to what is helpful and exercise is helpful.’’
Janine Branje